The Most Uncomfortable Conversation EVER Could Save Your Marriage

By

The Most Uncomfortable Conversation EVER Could Save Your Marriage
Stop playing the odds that infidelity won't happen in YOUR marriage and do this...

If there is already tension in your relationship, propose some ground rules so that this can be a productive exchange and not one that devolves into an argument. Create agreements that neither of you will make accusations that you don’t have firm facts to back up and that you’ll both steer clear of generalizing statements.

When referring to your partner’s habits, the more specific and observable you can be, the better. Instead of  saying, “You never want to have sex with me....”  try  “I want to have sex more often.”

Blame and judgment are not conducive to meeting needs so leave them out.

Make it your primary intention to honestly communicate to your partner what you’d like more of in your relationship. Do you want more respect, appreciation, cooperation with finances or housework, intimacy or fun? Ask for it in a way that invites your spouse to come closer to you and to help you get that need met.

Stay open because the way you think your need “should” be met may be different than what your partner can do; that doesn’t mean you’ll have to remain dissatisfied or feeling deprived.

The success of this conversation-- and your marriage--  depends on you speaking honestly and listening fully. As your spouse speaks, look for the overlap in what you both want and need. Listen for needs your partner has that you didn’t know about and feel into yourself for what you will do.

When your partner brings up a need, keep yourself open. It’s not easy to hear this information so try not to get defensive or take it personally. Be responsible for your role and place emphasis on what you both can do to help you both get your needs met.

Avoid this trap...

The potential downside of this kind of conversation is that you’ll begin to only see what you’re NOT getting from one another and you’ll fixate on what’s wrong with your marriage.

THAT isn’t good for your relationship, so don’t do it!

A happy, healthy and close marriage depends on honest assessment and quick action to address trouble areas. It also requires you both to also regularly notice and celebrate the strengths and what’s going right.

The goal is to come away from this uncomfortable conversation about unmet needs with a solid plan you’ll both follow mixed with genuine appreciation for each other and the love you share.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We’ve got MORE good news for you: Passion never has to fade or die away!  Tips for how to bring more Passionate Spark~Lasting Love to your love relationship or marriage are here: www.relationshipgold.com

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

I Love You, But...

By

You can’t understand why your boyfriend claims you don’t show him any respect. You’re baffled that your wife says you’re “impossible” to please. None of what your partner says makes sense to you because-- in your mind-- you’re always loving and supportive. Before you totally discount what your special someone ... Read more

Oops, I Accidentally Broke Up With My Partner. Now What?

By

You don't know why you said it, but you did. It was a stupid argument and you can't even remember how the conflict started or what it was really about. What you won't ever forget is how frustrated and angry you were and the stunned look on your partner's face when you uttered the words... “It’s over! I’m leaving ... Read more

Should You Track the One You Love?

By

Focus on the facts. This is advice that we’ve offered over the years to countless women and men who were confused and worried about their relationships. Whether it’s suspicions that their partner is having an affair or anxiety that he or she doesn’t feel the same way, it’s always a good idea to lay out the observable, reliable and ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular