We’ve got some good news and some potentially bad news about your marriage.
First of all, the good stuff...
More from YourTango: How to Fix a Relationship After Cheating
So many headlines shout out scary news about infidelity. We read that 50% of all relationships will be destroyed by cheating. We hear about countless celebrities and political leaders who have been caught having affairs.
Their marriages are left broken and in pieces.
What’s actually good about this?
It’s not true!
Psychologist John Grohol cites actual statistics from comprehensive studies conducted on how prevalent infidelity really is in relationships and what he says is encouraging. According to the research that Grohol reviewed, over the course of a relationship the likelihood that one (or both) of you will cheat is 25%.
This is far better than the 50% statistic that’s often thrown around.
The not so great thing is that if you merely leave the health of your marriage up to chance and hope that you’re not going to fall into the 25%, you’re setting yourself up for hurt and pain. It’s comforting to know that maybe cheating isn’t as epidemic as is sometimes claimed in the media, but...
Don’t you want to do everything you can to prevent your marriage from falling into that 25%?
Have the uncomfortable talk.
Here’s the deal...
When infidelity happens, in almost every case it’s because the couple has grown apart. Needs aren’t being met and one person (or both) looks to someone outside the relationship to feel special, attractive, intimate with or just listened to.
The decision to cheat rests completely on the shoulders of the one who cheats, but the dynamic that set the stage for infidelity in the marriage is almost always shared.
When you know what’s not working for your spouse, you can address the problem and you can end up closer than ever before.
But, you have to be brave enough to have that uncomfortable conversation. You have to reach down inside yourself and ask your partner to share with you what needs he or she has that aren’t being fulfilled AND you need to ask in a way that doesn’t push your partner away.
Your courage to communicate honestly and openly with your spouse about something that neither of you probably wants to talk about could be what saves your marriage. This conversation might be what keeps you OUT of the 25% of relationships with infidelity.
More from YourTango: Can Arguing Make You a Closer Couple?
Set yourselves up for success.
The way that you have this uncomfortable conversation with your partner makes all the difference. Right away, make sure you are clear that you aren’t looking for a “gripe-fest” or an excuse to put one another down. Set your talk up for success by first communicating what you expect and what you’re not looking for.