How To Fall 'In Like' With Your Spouse

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Out of 'Like' With Your Partner
Yes, you love your partner, but do you really like him or her?

Kim has been married to Jeremy for over twenty years. She can't imagine living her life without him. He's been with her through difficult times when they were just starting out and now as their "babies" are growing up and leaving home.

There are no regrets for Kim. She chose a stable, dependable husband in Jeremy. But, especially now that their kids are headed to college, Kim is beginning to wonder what the future will hold for their marriage.

There is no doubt that she deeply loves Jeremy, but she's just not so sure that she likes him.

They've both changed so much over the decades. Some of his habits and quirks that were once cute are now unbearable to Kim. As Jeremy is getting older, he also seems to be getting more stubborn and closed-minded. This really irritates her.

And, with both of them devoting more and more of their time to their careers and very different interests, she worries that they won't have anything in common besides their kids.

Kim doesn't want to end her marriage, but she'd like to enjoy it more. She wants to feel excited again to be with Jeremy. She wants to laugh and have fun together like they used to. She'd like to spend time with him and actually like him for a change.

It can be uncomfortable and maybe even a little scary to realize that you don't necessarily like your spouse.

There might not be anything horribly wrong with your partner...except for those dozens (or more) of "little" things that you disapprove of or that get on your nerves. These "little" irritations may be things that you bite your lip and remain silent about, or they could be what you nag and fight about.

It could be that neither you nor your mate have ever cheated on one another. Maybe you two go out together and make love on a regular basis. It's probable that you both love one another deeply.

But...you have fallen out of "like." How to Get That Spark Back

The difference between like and love

Liking someone is often taken for granted when you already love him or her. The care and connection you have with your partner are certainly tied in with feeling love. There is tenderness, affection and a concern for the other person's well-being that comes with loving.

However, this doesn't mean that you always (or often) like this person with whom you're sharing your life.

Liking generally indicates that you enjoy being with the person. You two have fun together and feel emotionally, intellectually or otherwise stimulated being around one another. Being "in like" doesn't mean that you find every single word or action from your partner witty, interesting or enriching.

Overall, you do.

The vast majority of the time, you value and genuinely appreciate being with your partner when you like him or her.

Question your criticisms

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
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