If you're dissatisfied with the sex you are having with your partner, talk about it. Do so with kindness and clarity. Here are 4 tips to help this conversation flow easily:
1. Know what turns you on and satisfies you. You can't communicate with your partner about sex if you don't really know your own preferences and desires. The next time you are being sexual with your partner or alone by yourself, pay close attention to what turns you on and really excites you ... what leaves you feeling completely satisfied? 6 Ways To Make Your Romp In The Sheets Go From Bleh To HOT DAMN!
What feels good and what doesn't? Keep in mind that this might vary, but there are probably some constants, such as: types of touch (hard, soft, in-between), where you like to be touched, how much noise you like to make, what words you like to hear when making love, what positions you like the best and possibly, what sex toys appeal to you.
If you have fantasies or would like to experiment with role playing, what are those?
2. Don't blame or guilt trip your partner. Sometimes, sexual dissatisfaction goes beyond the ins and outs of the actual sex. Disagreements or unresolved and ongoing conflicts can build up and stand in the way of the couple enjoying sex. If this is what's going on for you, take the time to address these things now.
When you talk with your partner about the actual sex, we do not recommend that you start out the conversation saying something like, "We need to talk. I'm just not satisfied by the sex I have with you." Words of blame, criticism, put downs or guilt trips are not going to promote openness and him or her listening to your preferences.
Even if your partner is clearly doing something that turns you off, choose your words carefully. Remember, the goal here is to have an honest conversation that helps and doesn't hinder your relationship or your satisfaction with lovemaking.