Get Him to Commit
By Susie And Otto Collins. Posted on .
For example, don't talk yourself into being okay with a friends with benefits situation when you're actually hoping for a love relationship. You're only setting yourself up for hurt.
While you don't want to “scare” off someone who's already seemingly afraid of commitment, be upfront with yourself about what you're looking for and then find ways to be authentic with your partner without coming on too strong.
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It might help for you to think about commitment in terms of gradual steps instead of “all or nothing.” The “all or nothing” approach is what makes many people nervous. Figure out what you're looking for in terms of a next step in your relationship.
This might be moving from dating casually to dating exclusively. It could be creating space in a drawer for your partner who spends a lot of time at your house anyway. It may be having a conversation about getting married sometime in the near future.
How flexible will I be?
Another helpful question to ask yourself is how firm you are about the kind of commitment you want. Being flexible isn't necessarily a bad thing...as long as you're truly open to it. To be flexible can mean that you really listen to where your partner is coming from and you consider shifting your idea of the way things “need” to be.
You open up to a wider range of the way things could be which you could also be satisfied with.
It's also important to know what your “bottom line” is. If getting married before moving in together is essential to you, acknowledge that. You don't have to make yourself or your partner wrong. This is about gaining clarity and knowing where there is flexibility and where there isn't.
Knowing your flexibility range is always beneficial when talking about commitment with your partner. This helps prevent ultimatums and stalemates, both of which tend to be lose-lose propositions.
Is this relationship a fit?
The ultimate question is whether or not your partner's intentions and vision for the future are in alignment with yours. Remember to move beyond blame and right/wrong as you decide whether to stay in or leave the relationship.
Get an accurate understanding what your partner is looking for and truly open to in a relationship commitment and see if it fits with what you want.
More from YourTango: 5 Insights Soulmates Need to Know
What you discover might surprise you. Maybe your partner isn't a commitment phobe after all.
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Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the relationship they desire. Click here to get their free ebook, Passionate Heart-Lasting Love.
