3 questions to ask when you're with a commitment-phobe
You've been seeing each for a long time now and it's pretty clear to you that there's more going on than just having casual fun together. But, every time the topic of taking your relationship to the next level comes up, your partner mysteriously disappears.
He suddenly remembers a phone call he has to make.
She smiles and nods her head, but seems to have “left” the conversation.
Instantly, whatever is happening on tv or outside grabs his or her attention.
If your partner has become very good at ducking any talk of relationship commitment, you might be feeling frustrated and hurt. It can seem like this commitment avoidance is a direct rejection of you.
You might even have a clue about why.
Maybe you know all about your partner's past relationship horrors. The lying and cheating, controlling and smothering or whatever went on have left scars and your love is nervous about moving too fast into something serious.
Or, the reasons why your partner seems averse to talking about or making a commitment may be a mystery. You can't figure it out no matter how much you try to analyze and figure out what's going on in your partner's mind (and heart).
You can lose a lot of sleep trying to guess at what's behind your partner's apparent fear of commitment.
Even if you understand what's contributing to your partner's commitment phobia, it's still frustrating and painful. You may wonder if he or she will ever be ready to create with you the kind of relationship you really want.
You may be wondering if you'll just have to be satisfied with what your partner will give.
You may be wondering if it's time to give up and move on.
What kind of commitment do I want?
How clear are you about the kind of commitment you want? The “C” word is a triggering one for many people and it's interpreted in vastly different ways.
Before even bringing up the topic of commitment with your partner, make sure you know what you are looking for. You can have a short-term and a long-term idea of the level of commitment you want. The important thing is to be honest with yourself and then be honest with your partner.
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