Forgiveness: A Powerful Tool After A Breakup
By Susie And Otto Collins. Posted on .
Here's the shift we encourage you to make about forgiveness...
It truly is something that you do for your benefit. It is perhaps one of the most positively selfish things you can do for yourself as you heal. Really question the myths that you hold about forgiveness and open up to what it can be and what it can do for you. How Do I Stop Holding A Grudge About Everything?
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Forgiveness can't be forced.
Be patient with yourself. While it's said that you either forgive or you don't forgive, it can take time and it can be a process to get to the place of genuine forgiveness. Forgiveness can't effectively be forced or faked. 5 Ways to Forgive
Start with you. When you forgive, be sure you forgive yourself for anything you think you "should" have said or done that you believe would've changed things. Are you blaming yourself in any way for what happened? Remember, it is very different to "blame" than it is to take responsibility for some part of an unhealthy dynamic. If you blame yourself, challenge that belief.
Whenever you think a thought that is self-blaming, say very simple and loving words like, "I forgive me for _____." Don't get caught up in who was in the wrong or re-hash the details. Instead, go general and focus on those loving words of forgiveness for yourself. Keep saying them until you can actually believe them.
Next, search for some genuine words of forgiveness you can say about your ex. *Note: You can benefit from this if you say the forgiveness words only to yourself. You can also write them down. It's not necessary for you to communicate them to your ex. You can be general and, while thinking of your ex, say something like, "I forgive you (state his or her name) for hurting me." A more specific variation of this might be, "I felt _____ when you (state your ex's name) did ____ and I forgive you." How Compassion Facilitates Forgiveness
Tune in and notice how it feels when you truly forgive. The more you practice forgiveness, the freer you will be to truly move ahead creating the life you want.
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For more help letting go of your ex, click here for Susie and Otto's free mini-course: "6 Keys to Healing After a Breakup or Divorce."
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