Fantasies: Should You Tell Your Partner Yours?

Love

Is it better to leave your sexual ("Magic Mike") fantasies unspoken?

Alex can't understand why her husband is so upset.

Last night, after sharing passionate kisses and just as they were about to climb into bed together, she whispered a recurring fantasy she's had ever since she saw the movie “Magic Mike.” Alex thought the movie was entertaining and sexy too. The movie focuses on a group of male strippers played by well-built, muscular actors, including Channing Tatum.

She can't help it, but it really turns Alex on to remember those scenes with Channing Tatum stripping. In that intimate moment with her husband, she shared her male stripper fantasy (inspired by the movie) with him.

As Alex whispered her request that her husband strip for her, “just like Channing did in 'Magic Mike,'” he froze. He pulled away from her and said that he's not in the mood for sex anymore. They spent the night on opposite sides of the bed.

What happened?!

Acting out sensual and sexual fantasies can be one way a couple keeps their relationship passionate and spicy. What better cure for boredom and “same old, same old” in the bedroom than to play around and be more adventurous than usual.

Unfortunately, fantasies can be divisive in a relationship in certain circumstances or if handled in particular ways.

Get curious about your fantasies.

If one person (or both) is envisioning a super model or maybe even a co-worker while making love, this is probably a sign of disconnection. When you notice that you're having a fantasy (whether or not its literally during lovemaking), get a little curious about it.

Without making yourself wrong for the images and ideas that interest and excite you, pay attention to what might be behind the fantasy. It could be a desire to spice things up in your relationship. It might be an attempt to escape from unhappiness or aversion in your relationship.

If you are having fantasies because your partner no longer turns you on or you have so much resentment built up inside that you can't find anything attractive about your partner, take notice. Fantasizing isn't bad, but it's not going to help resolve your discontent.

Face up to what's bothering you and make a decision about what you're going to do.

  • Are you holding onto anger about something that happened years ago?
  • Are you avoiding talking about a contentious topic because you don't want a fight?
  • Has your relationship become so broken that you're considering cheating?

Be courageous and come to some resolution so that you can be free to fully enjoy and be with your partner-- unless you decide it's time to end the relationship.

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