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Is Facebook Bad for Your Sex Life?

Love, Heartbreak

5 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Close and Passion Alive

Without a doubt, Facebook has revolutionized the way that we interact with one another.

Everything from party invites, community events and holiday family photos to political and philosophical statements and everyday commentary on what was eaten for lunch get posted on the social networking site.

Friends, family, spouses and lovers post on one another’s walls, “like” and “share” each other’s posts and comment too. Debates occur, loving support gets offered and jokes are made.

It’s an everyday occurrence to see people checking their phones or laptops to see what’s new on their Facebook feeds. It’s also a common occurrence to see a couple sitting together at a coffee shop or cafe not talking and each on their separate mobile devices.

All of this Facebooking activity leads to the question...

“Is Facebook bad for your sex life?”

What ARE the effects on your love relationship or marriage of spending time on Facebook? Studies have shown that Facebook breeds a whole new form of jealousy. Divorce attorneys report that more and more people are citing Facebook posts in divorce filings as evidence of affairs, flirting or irreconcilable differences.

Even if you aren’t trying to decide whether to stay in or leave your relationship because of your partner’s Facebook habits, maybe you are seeing some negatives in the bedroom. Perhaps intimacy and closeness between you and your partner has dwindled and you think that Facebook might be part of the problem.

You may actually be right!

Spending time social networking can bring distance, doubt and suspicion into your relationship. Right there-- for everyone to see-- are your partner’s comments, photos and likes. There’s a lot of room for misinterpretation and assumption in a Facebook post. There’s also a lot of room for temptation and crossing the line with Facebook as exes and former sweethearts from high school are easy to find and re-connect with.

Despite these potential hazards, we don’t necessarily think that Facebook is the problem. It is a way to interact with other people and can be used in healthy ways or misused in destructive ways. It can be a trigger for things like jealousy and mistrust, but could potentially be a way to infuse more passion and fun into your relationship.

Remember these 5 tips if you’re a Facebook user and you want to keep your relationship close and passionate...

#1:Question jealous thoughts.

Jealousy is always bad for sex and intimacy of any kind with your partner. Your accusations about particular posts or constant monitoring of your partner’s Facebook wall are only going to drive him or her further away from you.

Before talking with your partner about something triggering that you saw on Facebook, question your thoughts first. Ask yourself if this is the only way to interpret the post you saw. Ask yourself if you have reliable information to back up your suspicion. Hint: Look at other observable behaviors and not only Facebook activity.

If your partner appears to be flirting with others on Facebook (or in real life), create conscious agreements so that you’re both on the same page about what is appropriate and what isn’t. 

#2: Resist the urge to compare.

Another passion-crusher is comparing. When you read about the romantic get-away that your friend took with his or her partner, notice it if your mind goes to how UN-romantic your own partner is. Don’t play the comparison game because you’ll always lose.

It’s great to appreciate the anniversaries and expressions of love that your friends post about AND it’s even better to appreciate your own partner and the unique way that he or she shows love to you.

You can use what you read about on Facebook as an inspiration to spice things up in your relationship. Don’t compare-- write down ideas and try out with your partner what appeals to you instead.

#3: Don’t take it personally.

One way to create a rift in your relationship is to take personally off-handed comments that your partner posts (or doesn’t post). There are about a million possible reasons why he or she “liked” a certain post or didn’t comment on one of your posts.

It is probable that the actual reason why has NOTHING personal to do with you.

The vast majority of people flip through their Facebook feeds quickly and without a whole lot of thought. They “like," share and comment within the span of a few minutes. Keep this in mind if you feel offended or neglected by something your partner does (or doesn’t) do on Facebook.

Again, questioning your thoughts is a valuable practice. If you can’t shake your annoyance or upset about your partner’s Facebook comment or action, be specific and ask him or her to “please help me understand....” Then listen, because it’s highly likely the reason isn’t what you assume.

#4: If you wouldn’t say it to your partner’s face...

It’s not just what your partner says or does on Facebook that can impact your relationship. Your sex life can be adversely affected by what YOU say and do too. Remind yourself not to use Facebook as a place for snark, unkind teasing or venting about how irritated you are with your partner.

Even if you think it’s funny, if your partner won’t like what you’ve said about him or her, it’s going to drive a wedge between you two. It doesn’t matter if you’ve not named names. A veiled dig at your partner’s expense is going to be felt as a put down.

A helpful guide when you’re about to post about your partner on Facebook is this... “Only post what you would be comfortable saying to your partner’s face.” Find the courage to talk face-to-face with your partner about what is bugging you and do so in a way that allows you to be honest and keep your connection strong.

#5: Recognize when your Facebook time overshadows together time.

Let’s say that you never flirt with others while on Facebook and you’re always kind and respectful of your partner in posts and comments. Even so, Facebook could be a big reason why you and your partner are having trouble in and out of the bedroom.

If you’re online and on Facebook more than you are sharing meaningful connecting time with your partner, this is going to drag your relationship down and take you two apart.

Pay attention to how you use your time-- especially your free time. Do you turn on the computer to “veg out” after a long day at work? Do you turn first to Facebook and second (or last) to your partner for conversation and connection?

If so, make a change.

Make sure that you’re spending at least 5 minutes of undistracted and focused time with your partner each and every day. Get creative! Know that this together time doesn’t always have to be “serious.” It can be fun, silly, casual and also flirty and sexy.

When you make your relationship a priority above Facebook, it will show in all the best ways!
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