A time for getting away from the busy grind of work and home. It's a space for relaxation, visiting new places, having memorable adventures and chilling out with your partner and other family too.
Your summer get-away can also be a time when jealousy shows its ugly face and ruins the fun.
Unfortunately, just because you go on vacation it doesn't mean that your jealous habit won't come along too. It is a surprise for some when they are having a great time and then those all too familiar jealous worries and fears barge in.
Has this ever happened to you?
--You're basking in the sun at the beach and look over at your husband. He seems relaxed and is looking around at the ocean view and the people. The people?! Your mind instantly jumps to how much better those women look in a swim suit than you do. You're now tense and upset and certain that your man is checking out (and maybe wants to be with) other women.
-- You and your girlfriend are at the hotel bar enjoying a few drinks. Actually, you've both had quite a few drinks because, after all, you're on vacation. You think to yourself how gorgeous she looks tonight and then see her exchange smiles with a guy across the room. Immediately, you get angry and put your arm protectively around her. You want everyone in the room to know that she's your partner.
Both of these scenarios show the lead up to a jealousy-induced argument. It can happen anywhere and at anytime...even when you and your partner are on vacation.
Don't take a break from listening.
The great thing about taking a get-away is that you give yourself a break from your usual responsibilities and the demands of daily life. Be sure that you don't take a break from listening while on vacation.
Keep “listening” to your own thoughts. This means that you stay tuned in to you instead of flipping into a sort of auto-pilot mode. You can still relax as you keep an “ear” out for the first signs of jealousy in yourself.
When you notice that you're thinking thoughts that bring stress or upset, pause and ask yourself if they are true.
Be sure to also keep listening to your partner.
A bad habit that so many people have is to stop listening when others speak. They believe that they already know what the person is going to say and check out of the conversation until they jump in with an assumption or accusation. Or, they don't even hear what's being said because they are focused on and formulating what they want to say.
These bad communication habits lead to misunderstandings and wrong conclusions. They only make jealousy worse.
Plan for connection.
Vacations can get just as busy as usual life. Even though you and your partner are on a get-away together, it's possible that you won't really connect. Jealousy feeds on disconnection, so do what you can to regularly connect with your love.
This doesn't mean that you have to spend your entire time away joined at the hip!
Before you leave on your vacation, talk with your partner about what you each expect and what you each want to do. He might want to play golf and you may prefer to read a novel on the beach. She may want to take a back-country hike and you just want to catch up on your sleep or maybe hit the hotel's hot tub.
There's time for individual activities AND for things you two could do together. Something as simple as dinner at a quiet restaurant could be a place for re-connecting and re-igniting spark in your relationship.
It can be a drag to plan out every second of every moment-- especially when you're on vacation. Don't over-think this. Just be sure that you know what you want from this get-away and that you honor what your partner wants.
If your jealous mind declares that your partner's wish for some alone time while on vacation is a rejection of you, notice what you're thinking and stop! Make room for the possibility that his or her yearning for time alone isn't about you AND that there are other times during your vacation that you two can connect.
Remind yourself that you don't have to take your jealousy with you on vacation. In fact, this get-away can be the perfect time to form some new and jealousy-free habits and create some fabulous memories with your partner too.
Need help stopping jealousy? Get Susie and Otto Collins' free ebook
7 Jealousy Stopping Secrets here: www.nomorejealousy.com