Why You Shouldn't Be 'Just Like Your Mother'

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Why You Shouldn't Be 'Just Like Your Mother' [EXPERT]
Avoid the mistakes that your mother may have made in her relationship.

It happens for just about everyone. At some point while growing up or as an adult, the vow is made, "I'll never be like my mother!" This could be a rejection of her habits, values, opinions, or lifestyle choices. This also possibly includes the way that you perceive how she mis-handled her marriage or love relationship. 3 Steps To Take When You Fall For Your Friend

Even if you didn't grow up with your biological mother, there was probably a mother figure in your life — a woman or a man. It is natural and normal for an adolescent or young adult to differentiate him or herself from parents or important adults. This is part of forming one's unique identity. This is also part of learning from the observed mistakes of others.

Perhaps you grew up listening to your parents scream and shout at one another. Maybe you lived in the silent hostility of them refusing to acknowledge that they were angry, but showing it nonetheless.

You may have witnessed your mother making what you deemed to be colossal mistakes in her relationship with your father or her partner. These mistakes may have contributed to her marriage ending in divorce and possibly subsequent relationships being unhappy or breaking up.

Again, the promise to yourself may have been ... "I'll never make the mistakes that my mother made!"

Life, however, can be ironic. For the vast majority of us, we end up saying and doing the things that we watched our mother do! Maybe it's not in exactly the same way or all of the time, but it happens more often than we want to admit to. Stress Management: Balancing Work And Love

At some point in life, you might catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror or hear words that have just come from your mouth and realize that you are being just like your mother (or father)! You may even find yourself repeating her relationship mistakes too.

We want to be clear here ...

We are not saying that mothers (or women) are the only ones to make mistakes in relationships. We're also not saying that your mother only ever made mistakes in her life. It's likely that — just like any other human being — she made her share of mistakes and also had her share of healthy and well-adjusted moments too. Babies Before Marriage: Did Brad & Angelina Do It Right?

Be aware of these relationship mistakes that your mother may have made:

#1: Nagging

This is the stereotypical image of a woman in a relationship — nagging her partner to finish a project, take a share of housework, talk about feelings, etc. Unfortunately, the stereotype is accurate in some cases, at least some of the time. Nagging is generally a result of two things: 1. Frustration because an agreement isn't being kept and/or 2. Mistrust because the desired action isn't happening in a way or on a timetable that was expected.

Just as your mother may have discovered, nagging is only going to amp up the tension and lead to an argument or to passive-aggressive behavior. What you wanted to happen, won't. How To Handle Your Jealous Spouse

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

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