Do You Fake It?


Do You Fake It?
3 questions to ask yourself for more honesty, connection and happiness in your relationship

Ask yourself these 3 questions for more honesty and connection in your relationship...

1. “What am I afraid of?”
Before you can change this trust-eroding habit, you’ve got to understand what motivates you to instantly say “yes” or agree when you really don’t. You might not be literally afraid of telling your truth, but on some level it seems unsafe, otherwise you wouldn’t feel compelled to fake it.

More from YourTango: How Pushy Is TOO Pushy?

If you carry with you old emotional wounds because you were mistreated when you spoke honestly in the past, admit it to yourself and make time to heal. The more you can release the past and be fully present now, the easier this will be.

If your current partner has a temper or is overly sensitive, acknowledge that. Notice the ways that you may unintentionally feed into the dynamic-- this could include apologizing for no reason and also pretending.

This question is not meant to establish blame; it’s to help you see what contributes to your faking it habit.

2. “What would encourage me to be honest?”
Now, think about a usual scenario between you and your partner in which you normally fake it. This could be in the bedroom while you’re having sex or in conversation about particular topics.

What would help you be honest, even in that difficult situation?

What could you do for yourself to bolster your courage to be completely honest? Try not to make this imagined scenario dependent on what your partner could say or do. Instead, focus on how you can support yourself to tell your truth. It might help to play out in your mind how the conversation could go with you being honest and your worst fear NOT coming true. It could also encourage you to be honest if you think up kind and loving ways to communicate your truth that will be easier for your partner to hear.

3.  “What’s 1 way I will stop faking it starting today?”

Now it’s time to challenge yourself! Choose 1 way that you’ll be more honest with your partner and start right away. Today.

Set a specific goal for yourself to stop faking it with your partner and come up with a plan for how you will do so. Remember you imagined scenario where you tell your truth and it’s actually a good thing and then try it out.

More from YourTango: 5 Ways to Bring Your Marriage Back from the Brink of Divorce

You might feel uncomfortable and even a little nervous. Your partner might not react the way you expect, so keep finding ways to be honest that will help you two stay close.
Talk honestly about even the most difficult topics and keep your connection close and loving. We tell you how with these 101 words, phrases and sentence starters in Magic Relationship Words. Go here:

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins


Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.


Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

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