Do You Fake It?

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Do You Fake It?
3 questions to ask yourself for more honesty, connection and happiness in your relationship

Did you know that men fake it too?

In a recent study, 22% of men in the U.S. admitted that they’ve faked an orgasm with their partner. Women, of course, are the stereotypical fakers when it comes to pretending to be sexually satisfied when they’re not. Another study shows that around 80% of women make it seem like they climaxed when they actually didn’t.

 

And faking doesn’t only happen in the bedroom.

Unfortunately, it’s common for one person-- man or woman-- to force a smile or nod agreement when on the inside he or she feels exactly the opposite. Faking it is an awful lot like fibbing or telling a white lie. Most don’t consider it dishonest because it’s usually meant to protect the other person’s feelings.

You don’t want your partner to know that you hate it when he blows in your ear while trying to turn you on. You’re trying to avoid a fight about a subject you’ll never agree about and you say something vague and noncommittal. You want her to think you like the horrendous gift so you won’t seem rude or ungrateful.

And so you fake it.

You pretend to love whatever your partner did to or for you and you may even believe the health of your relationship depends on your innocent deception. It’s time to re-consider this habit. Faking it has very real and negative effects on trust and connection between you and your partner. Even if he or she NEVER finds out exactly how you faked it, something will feel “off.”

You’re going to know it too.

When you fake it you are betraying not just your partner, but yourself too. You’re not acting with integrity and this erodes your own self confidence and trust.

Of course, it’s understandable why you might give in to your urge to pretend. You don’t want to hurt your well-intentioned partner. You want him or her to keep reaching out to you, even if you’d like it to be in a slightly different way. You’re worried that your honesty will push your partner away or lead to an argument.

Maybe you learned the hard way in the past that it’s inadvisable or even unsafe to be real about what you think and want. Past experiences-- in this relationship or another one-- have taught you to always agree and go along with what the other person wants. 

What’s important to know is that you do NOT have to choose between keeping the peace and preserving trust (and your integrity). You can break your habit of  faking it and start speaking and acting from truth...and you can do so without being rude, hurtful or turning your partner off. Keep Reading...

More sex advice from YourTango

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
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