The end of a marriage. It only makes sense that it also can feel like the end of romance, intimacy and the kind of connection and companionship you've wanted-- even if your relationship was painful and disappointing.
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We know, this can be a big, huge and painful change.
In many ways, divorce is the end...but not the kind of end you might think.
For a lot of people, divorce is the end of bickering, fighting, tension, distance, lying, cheating and maybe even abuse. Regardless of how nasty and bitter you and your ex were with one another, divorce can be the time when all of that comes to an end-- or at the very least, when that nastiness starts to lessen.
If you're going through a divorce, you're probably experiencing a mix of emotions. There might be some amount of relief and there's possibly some sadness, grief, anger and fear too.
You might have a lot of questions right now. Questions about why whatever happened to break up your marriage happened may be on your mind. You may also be dwelling on questions of whether this relationship that just ended is your last opportunity for love.
Believe it or not, you CAN have the kind of love, passion and intimacy that you've always wanted. This IS possible for you.
But, it won't come to you easily (or at all) if you continue to tell yourself that this is the end for you.
Some people literally believe that they can't go on if they're not with their ex. If you are or you feel like you will hurt yourself or another person, please seek help from a professional.
Let yourself feel whatever you are feeling.
We want you to know that your divorce is NOT the end for you and it's not your last chance for love.
At the same time, we do not suggest that you deny how you feel. If you walk around pretending that you're happy about what's currently going on in your life when you're not, it's only going to move you farther away from this new future that, we promise, is there for you.
Instead, we encourage you to allow yourself the time and space to have the emotions you're having.
As we said earlier, these might be a real mix and may be filled with contradictions. That's okay.
Cry if you need to cry. Yell and scream if you need to do that-- though it's probably in your best interest not to actually yell and scream at another person.
Find ways to let out your feelings that help you release them and that don't keep you stuck in the pain and torment you might be experiencing.
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Prepare yourself for the new beginning you desire.
Allowing yourself to have and then release your emotions is actually one way to prepare for this new life that's ready when you are. What you'll probably find is that there is a calm and clarity that comes just after you release some intense emotions.
At first, that sense of calm and clarity might not last very long, but it will be there.