The end of a marriage. It only makes sense that it also can feel like the end of romance, intimacy and the kind of connection and companionship you've wanted-- even if your relationship was painful and disappointing.
When divorce happens, it can seem to be the end of your chance for love.
We know, this can be a big, huge and painful change.
In many ways, divorce is the end...but not the kind of end you might think.
For a lot of people, divorce is the end of bickering, fighting, tension, distance, lying, cheating and maybe even abuse. Regardless of how nasty and bitter you and your ex were with one another, divorce can be the time when all of that comes to an end-- or at the very least, when that nastiness starts to lessen.
If you're going through a divorce, you're probably experiencing a mix of emotions. There might be some amount of relief and there's possibly some sadness, grief, anger and fear too.
You might have a lot of questions right now. Questions about why whatever happened to break up your marriage happened may be on your mind. You may also be dwelling on questions of whether this relationship that just ended is your last opportunity for love.
Believe it or not, you CAN have the kind of love, passion and intimacy that you've always wanted. This IS possible for you.
But, it won't come to you easily (or at all) if you continue to tell yourself that this is the end for you.
Some people literally believe that they can't go on if they're not with their ex. If you are or you feel like you will hurt yourself or another person, please seek help from a professional.
Let yourself feel whatever you are feeling.
We want you to know that your divorce is NOT the end for you and it's not your last chance for love.
At the same time, we do not suggest that you deny how you feel. If you walk around pretending that you're happy about what's currently going on in your life when you're not, it's only going to move you farther away from this new future that, we promise, is there for you.
Instead, we encourage you to allow yourself the time and space to have the emotions you're having.
As we said earlier, these might be a real mix and may be filled with contradictions. That's okay.
Cry if you need to cry. Yell and scream if you need to do that-- though it's probably in your best interest not to actually yell and scream at another person.
Find ways to let out your feelings that help you release them and that don't keep you stuck in the pain and torment you might be experiencing.
Prepare yourself for the new beginning you desire.
Allowing yourself to have and then release your emotions is actually one way to prepare for this new life that's ready when you are. What you'll probably find is that there is a calm and clarity that comes just after you release some intense emotions.
At first, that sense of calm and clarity might not last very long, but it will be there.
Use that time wisely. This is the time to think a little bit more about the future you'd like to create for yourself. During these moments of clarity, really listen to what you need and to what feels like the next best step for you.
For example, you may have an urge to take a class or explore an activity that you haven't tried before. It could be that you feel pulled to do something you used to do regularly, but you've stopped doing.
Pay close attention to your urges and, if they seem to be healthy and in your best interests, make a plan to actually follow through.
Be sure you are wholly supporting yourself as you line up with this new beginning.
Be mindful of the food and drink you are putting into your body. In other words, don't drown your sorrows in alcohol or chocolate. Stay active and exercise because those natural endorphins will promote a more positive mindset.
Get creative and let this be fun.
Your new beginning is YOURS.
You get to decide what you will do and what you won't do. This includes those weightier issues like finances, child care, housing, property, etc. But, it also includes your decisions about the people you will spend your time with, the places you will go, the things you will do and the habits you will continue or change.
This is the perfect time to re-assess and to make conscious decisions to be around people who are truly sources of support and love for you and to only do activities that feel soothing, healing, uplifting and positively expansive.
Take it one choice at a time and keep reminding yourself of the great stuff that comes with this new beginning you are embarking upon.
Relationship coaches and authors Susie and Otto Collins offer a free mini-report to help heal after a breakup or divorce. Click here to get this free mini-report filled with strategies and techniques to help you heal and create the new future for yourself.