How To Deal With Your Partner's Jealousy

By

How To Deal With Your Partner's Jealousy
Are you being wrongly accused by your jealous partner? What to do next...

We aren't necessarily suggesting that Jan ask her book club and bridge friends to call Phil to prove she was actually at these weekly gatherings. Instead, she might consider ways that are comfortable to her to regularly let him know she is acting with integrity.

For example, Jan may choose to sit down with Phil after the bridge game and share about a particularly good hand she was dealt. She can also be aware of promises she makes to him and do her best to keep them-- no matter how insignificant they seem.

What conscious decisions can you make to demonstrate that you are keeping your word?

Listen for needs and set clear boundaries.

When Phil begins to accuse Jan of sneaking off with another man, she can calmly restate where she has been and let Phil know that she'd like to talk with him about the feelings he's experiencing right now when he can share emotions rather than accusations. Maybe Phil will be able to take a moment and then talk with Jan about how insecure he feels and how he'd like to more deeply connect with her.

If you can hear the needs that lie behind what your partner is saying, you may be better able to understand where he or she is coming from.

Even if your mate is totally off base in his or her jealousy, there are real feelings and needs that aren't being met. When you have an idea of what those needs are, you can more easily work with your partner to help him or her meet those needs.

At the same time, you can meet your own needs by setting clear boundaries.

Jan set a boundary by letting Phil know that she would listen to him when he stopped the accusations and, instead, focused on how he is feeling.


You can do this as well. Make clear to your partner what you are willing and unwilling to live with in a gentle and loving-- yet firm-- way.

As out of your control a situation like this can seem, you are not helpless. When dealing with a partner who has a jealous mind, you can make conscious decisions that show your trustworthiness, set boundaries, and listen to the needs behind your partner's jealousy.

Stay focused on what you want and then open up to it coming into being.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Find out how to talk openly-- about even difficult topics-- with your partner and keep your connection healthy and strong. Free communication secrets report.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

What To Do When You Feel Needy

By

It is a rare person who hasn't ever felt needy. You know the feeling. The urge to know — in that moment — that the one you love is interested in you, cares about how you're doing, wants to spend time with you and genuinely loves you. You want some sign that you're special to your spouse or partner. What's emotionally painful about ... Read more

5 Cures For Your Biggest Jealousy Triggers

By

Sam feels frustrated after a visit with his doctor. His blood pressure is high and he's developing a stomach ulcer. None of these health conditions are a big surprise to Sam. He's been super stressed for months and it's largely because of all of his pent up feelings. It all started when Sam's wife's ex-husband moved back to their small ... Read more

4 Ways Jealousy Actually Helps Your Relationship

By

What you hear about jealousy can be confusing. It's unpleasant, emotionally painful to experience and can cause you to act paranoid and so unlike the person you want to be (and truly are). But... Sometimes, jealousy can seem to get you what you've been longing for — your partner's attention. This is why certain websites and magazine ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.