Don't use your fantasy to manipulate your partner. If you're disappointed, frustrated or want your partner to change in some way, this will come through even if you try to pretend you're not.
3. No trust, no fun. Karen had an affair while on a business trip a couple of years ago. She and her husband have made some strides in rebuilding trust, but it's not happening quickly. Karen is impatient and lonely because they've not been as sexually intimate as they used to be. She asks her husband to act out one of her fantasies one evening, and he tells her it's way too soon.
If you expect that mixing things up in the bedroom will erase unresolved pains of the past or solve trust issues, you're mistaken. Healthy trust, mutual respect and a sense of safety are necessary requirements for fantasy to be pleasurable to you both.
4. Ewww, no way. Jim watches porn every once in awhile. He knows that his girlfriend doesn't approve, but he enjoys it. What he really wants is for his girlfriend to do to him some of the things that he's seen in his favorite porn video. He works up the nerve and asks her. She gets offended to hear where his fantasy came from and refuses.
Be aware of your partner's limits. Try not to assume how he/she will react to your fantasy request, but think about what you know. Based on conversations and experiences you two have had, is this fantasy far beyond your partner's comfort zone or just a bit of a stretch?
The challenge with fantasy is you can't really know if your partner is open to what you desire until you ask. Keep reading ...