Those hide at the back of the room, cringe-worthy, embarrassing, self-silencing and even ashamed moments don't stop when you become an adult. As just about every one of us knows, it's not only teenagers who struggle with low self-confidence.
Low self esteem and insecurity plague people of any age.
Going through life with low or no confidence can really hold you back in your love relationship and when attracting dates. If you don’t value you, then nobody else will either.
If you’ve ever tried to pretend, you know that confidence can't be faked. You can't just snap your fingers and decide to now feel worthy and proud of who you are. It's nearly impossible to will healthy self-confidence when-- on the inside-- you don't believe in yourself.
If you’re ready to feel great about where and who you are, then keep reading...
This is crucial. When you pause instead of barreling ahead with a reaction (even if that reaction is only internal), you are only reinforcing what you've already got going on. If low self confidence is what you've got going on, then you're only going to make that stronger.
Instead, remind yourself to pause before you speak or act in any situation-- especially difficult ones.
Liam is tired of being single, but he dreads parties. His friends are always trying to set him up with women and he sees himself as a dismal failure in these settings. He gets nervous and can’t think of anything clever to say to impress the woman he’s talking to.
Most of the time, Liam is only able to give short answers to the questions the woman asks. It’s painfully awkward and he’s never surprised when she starts looking around for someone else to talk to.
The next time one of Liam’s friends pushes him toward an attractive woman, he pauses and asks his friend to introduce him in a few minutes. Before he’s introduced to her, he goes to the bathroom to give himself a pep talk.
Whatever helps you re-connect with yourself and be calm and centered, do it! Give yourself support as you step out of your comfort zone.
#2: Regularly re-charge and re-new.
What does making regular time for exercise, yoga, reading a novel, taking a bubble bath or playing frisbee with your dog in the park have to do with self confidence?
When you're relaxed, well hydrated, nourished and rested, you are better equipped to be your best in just about any situation.
Julie sighs contentedly as she leaves the yoga studio after a midday class. Her body feels pleasantly stretched. Her mind is clear and her usually tight shoulders are loose and relaxed.
She remembers the days when she only left her desk for meetings and to go to the bathroom during the workday. She remembers the pain of migraine headaches and how quickly she used to get jealous when her boyfriend even looked in the direction of another woman.
Julie now makes time for renewal and relaxation during her day. She rarely has migraines anymore and her relationship is much happier.
#3: Don't give away your power.
When self confidence lags, you can feel walked on and taken advantage of so quickly you hardly know what's happening. The trick is to stay aware of how you feel and to stop giving away your power.
Realize that YOU get to choose whether or not you will give away your power by consciously responding to a tense or tricky situation.
Jarrod nervously paces the room. He doesn't want to let his son down by missing his end-of-the-year band concert, but Jarrod knows that his ex will be there with her new husband.
His ex's husband is a big guy who works out at the gym every day. This is even more intimidating because the guy has made threatening comments to Jarrod telling him to have as little contact as possible with his ex.
When Jarrod remembers that HE gets to choose whether or not he'll attend and enjoy his son's concert, this is a new realization. He decides to go to the concert and to sit in a different section of the auditorium from them. His son-- not his ex or her husband-- will be his main focus.
#4: Expect what you DO want.
Building confidence is about being aware of your focus and also about expectations. When you've experienced a string of failures, losses and disappointments, it can be challenging to change your expectations.
Give it a try anyway. You can start out small and encourage yourself to expect that what you DO want will happen instead of always bracing for the worst. If what you do want doesn't happen, remind yourself that this is this time-- it might be different the next time.
Karen is pretty sure she’s a magnet for guys who lie and cheat because every single love relationship she’s been in has ended with her partner betraying her. It’s made her hesitant to ever get into another relationship again!
But she’s lonely and doesn’t want to end up all alone, so she accepts a dinner invitation from a guy who works in her office building. She is super nervous because she doesn’t really know much about him.
This time, Karen decides that she’ll go on the date with an expectation that this man is a nice guy and she’ll wait until she gets to know him to decide whether or not she can trust him and whether or not she wants to spend more time with him.
It feels good to go into a first date with optimism instead of her usual dread. She’s hopeful that, at the very least, she’ll have fun getting to know someone new.
Confidence is something that can mean the difference between you being noticed or not by the right people and it can make or break a relationship. Keep practicing and go beyond your comfort zone with support and a growing belief that you DO deserve the life and love you want.
Finding a match who’s perfect for you can feel effortless and easy! Powerful dating tips are here in Automatic Attraction Secrets.