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All I Want for Christmas is....TRUST

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All I Want for Christmas is....TRUST
No matter what’s happened in the past, you CAN bring more trust into your relationship and life

Caroline would like to say that she is a trusting person, but she’s not. She can’t bring herself to trust one of the most important people in her life-- her own husband.

Before she met her husband Andy, she was in a nasty and painful relationship. Her ex stole money from her and cheated  again and again and again. She had no idea about the affairs until one Christmas Eve when she discovered explicit phone messages on his phone. When Caroline finally left that relationship, she was nearly bankrupt and very heartbroken.

More from YourTango: 4 Questions You Wish You Never Asked Your Partner

After that experience, Caroline promised herself that she'd never be taken advantage of and hurt like that again. 

When she met Andy and got to know how honest and decent he is, she felt happy and grateful at first, but then her fears resurfaced. Unfortunately, no matter how many ways Andy shows Caroline that he is NOT her ex, she continues to doubt him and to feel jealous and suspicious. 

She checks Andy’s phone when he is in the bathroom or in the garage. She feels guilty about spying, but it helps her keep at bay the gnawing fears that he will lie and cheat just like her ex did.The holidays are particularly difficult because that’s when she discovered the horrible truth about her ex.

So, even though she's never found anything suspicious on Andy’s phone, she’s been checking it almost every day as they get closer to Christmas.

Caroline tries to pretend that she’s not struggling, but it's hard.and Andy can tell how much she's holding back. It’s beginning to wear on him and their relationship. Caroline feels angry and ashamed-- she doesn’t want to ruin what they have.

This year for Christmas, she’s hoping for some kind of miracle: She wants to be able to trust again.

Trust is essential for a healthy and close relationship

Without trust, it’s nearly impossible to open up and let in the kind of intimacy and connection that allows love to thrive and grow. If you have a hard time trusting your partner, like Caroline, you might try to deny it or to hide your doubts and suspicions.

More from YourTango: 4 Game Changers for a Happier Marriage

Because of what happened to you in the past-- or maybe what’s going on right now-- you can’t bring yourself to trust your partner and it’s likely that this shows. Mistrust comes out in many different ways-- it's not always about affairs and lying either. It can be subtle or more overt.  

Your hesitation and outright mistrust are probably coming through in what you say and do when you’re with your partner. It might be jealousy, spying, interrogating questions or simply a certain emotional distance that you keep between the two of you that sends the strong message to your partner, “Stay away. I don’t trust you.”

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
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