ProConnect

6 Holiday “Have To's” that Wreck Your Relationship

By

6 Holiday “Have To's” that Wreck Your Relationship
Put aside these "have to's" and obligations and have a truly joyful holiday this year

The holidays bring with them a lot of things: Festive gatherings with family and friends; lights and decorations, presents, meaningful rituals and...

A lot of “have to's.”

More from YourTango: 4 Questions You Wish You Never Asked Your Partner

Along with the celebrating and fun, many people feel pressure this time of year. You feel like you have to visit your complaining great aunt or you think you have to buy an expensive gift for the cousin you don't really like or spend much time with.

There are also “have to's” at work. You feel pressured to participate in the “Secret Santa” gift exchange when you don't really want to. It seems  expected that you'll spend more money than you have on a gift to impress your boss.

So many “have to's” around the holidays can start to pile up. It can add up to annoyance, bitterness, resentment and you feeling like a Scrooge who wants nothing more than to run away and hide during the month of December.

The holiday “have to's” affect your love relationship or marriage too.

For every action or event you feel obligated to be a part of, your annoyance and bitterness will come through to your relationship. Even if it's a “have to” at work or in your extended family, the more stressed and strained you are, the more disconnection and distance there is in your relationship.

This can lead to a not-so-jolly holiday for you and your partner too.

The whole reason why the “have to's” can be so constricting and can create such misery is because you sincerely believe that you have no choice but to do what you think is expected of you. You want to please or make your partner (or another loved one) happy and so you deny what you really want.

What often happens is that your partner doesn't feel happy either! He or she can tell that you're not being completely honest or authentic and that your efforts are forced. Trust is weakened and passion dwindles.

Watch out for these 6 holiday “have to's” that can wreck your relationship...

#1: You “have to” celebrate the same holidays your partner does.

While you may want to share Christmas with your partner, it could be that he or she celebrates a different holiday in December. Perhaps because your partner follows a different religion than yours or maybe for some other reason, the reality in your relationship might be that you two don't celebrate the same holidays.

That can be okay if you let it.

More from YourTango: 4 Game Changers for a Happier Marriage

Stop making your partner (and his or her beliefs) wrong and, instead, start honoring differences. If you're open to it and to the extent that you are comfortable, participate in your partner's holiday AND invite him or her to be with you on the holiday that is special to you. You can both keep your individual commitments to what you believe as you show that you respect one another's different beliefs.

#2: You and your partner “have to” celebrate the holidays in the same way.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

4 Questions You Wish You Never Asked Your Partner

By

If you've ever asked yourself the question: "Was it something I said?" chances are, it was. Communication with your spouse or partner can be a tricky business. You may have the best intentions and only want your beloved to move closer to you, but the way you choose to tell your truth and say whatever is on your mind can unintentionally cause ... Read more

4 Game Changers for a Happier Marriage

By

This year’s NCAA basketball tournament is nearing its exciting finish. If you’ve been following your favorite team to see who’s best at college basketball and hoping your bracket picks survive and win, you’ve probably been watching a lot of hoops. You’ve probably noticed something about these adrenaline-rush games... There ... Read more

How Pushy Is TOO Pushy?

By

Without a doubt, one of the most infuriating things in a relationship is when your guy gets quiet and won’t talk. You know he had a bad day and he refuses to talk about it. His response is, “I’m fine,” when you ask. Or you’re sure he’s angry because of something you did, but he won’t talk about it. You can almost ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Faith

3 Ways to Define Who You Want To Be

Sometimes the best way to know who you want to be is to notice how you react in the here and now.

Multi-Ethnic Senior Women In Swimming Pool

Make New Friends, Keep Good Friends

Once you have a clear idea of the kinds of friendships you would enjoy, you can decide to create mor

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS