Your Husband Or Your Kids? Why Not Both?

By

Your Husband Or Your Kids? Why Not Both? [EXPERT]
The notion that you have to prioritize one over the other is a fallacy. Here are five reasons why.

3. Believing you have to choose hurts everyone. When you tell yourself that you have to choose either your children or your partner as your top priority, everybody loses — especially you. Acknowledge your beliefs that may have come from childhood experiences, things your read online or advice from others.

If you felt neglected by your parent when you were a child, you may have promised yourself that your own child would never feel the way you did. For this reason, you may consistently put your child's needs first all of the time — even when his or her needs aren't pressing.

On the other hand, if you worry that your partner will cheat or leave you because you are focusing too much on your children, this fear and mistrust might cause you to attend mostly to your partner and be less present or available when with your children. Be honest with yourself and look at where your beliefs come from.

4. Needs are always changing. What's absolutely certain is that life is always in flux. Your spouse and your kids will all have ups and downs and they will turn to you for support, expressions of love, attention and guidance at different times. There may be a few occasions when there seem to be overlap, but usually the needs of others are going to be different.

This means that if you stay tuned in both to yourself and to the ones you love, you'll know who most needs your help and attention at any one moment. And, please be sure to listen to what you need from you too. 15 Reasons Couples Become Happier As Their Kids Grow Up

5. There's more than enough to go around. Behind the belief that you have to choose between your spouse and your kids is a sense of lack and limitation. A lot of us feel over-scheduled and overwhelmed by our lives, so it's understandable that you might believe that there's just not enough of you to go around. As a result, you think you have to make that impossible choice.

Take regular time for your own self-care. Get quality sleep, drink plenty of water, exercise and pamper yourself too. Pay attention to how abundant your life is and know it can continue to be so. This will help you be at your best when your spouse and kids do need you, and it will help you know that there really is plenty of attention, care and love for all.

Want to know how to create a close and connected love relationship or marriage? Visit www.relationshipgold.com to receive Susie and Otto's free ebook: Passionate Heart ~ Lasting Love.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

Keeping Score Kills Love: 5 Ways To Change This Dynamic

By

We've all been there. Your partner has put you off, let you down or totally messed up so many times, you have a running tally going and it only fuels your irritation and anger. One woman posted on Reddit a spreadsheet her husband actually created and sent to her that listed off every excuse she'd given him over the past month for not having sex. He ... Read more

Stress And The State Of Your Relationship

By

Unfortunately, we Americans have become “accomplished” at creating stressful lives for ourselves. A recent nationwide stress survey conducted by NPR, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, and the Harvard School of Medicine asked people how stressed they've been lately and what they do when they're stressed out. Researchers for this study found ... Read more

Can't Trust Because Of Your Ex?

By

You don't trust your partner and there's no good reason for it. You know this, but you can't seem to change it. You check his phone. You shadow her to keep her "safe from creeps." You're constantly anxious and afraid that your partner will cheat... Even though there's no evidence to support your fears. You ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB