The notion that you have to prioritize one over the other is a fallacy. Here are five reasons why.
3. Believing you have to choose hurts everyone. When you tell yourself that you have to choose either your children or your partner as your top priority, everybody loses — especially you. Acknowledge your beliefs that may have come from childhood experiences, things your read online or advice from others.
If you felt neglected by your parent when you were a child, you may have promised yourself that your own child would never feel the way you did. For this reason, you may consistently put your child's needs first all of the time — even when his or her needs aren't pressing.
On the other hand, if you worry that your partner will cheat or leave you because you are focusing too much on your children, this fear and mistrust might cause you to attend mostly to your partner and be less present or available when with your children. Be honest with yourself and look at where your beliefs come from.
4. Needs are always changing. What's absolutely certain is that life is always in flux. Your spouse and your kids will all have ups and downs and they will turn to you for support, expressions of love, attention and guidance at different times. There may be a few occasions when there seem to be overlap, but usually the needs of others are going to be different.
This means that if you stay tuned in both to yourself and to the ones you love, you'll know who most needs your help and attention at any one moment. And, please be sure to listen to what you need from you too. 15 OK-To-Admit Reasons NOT To Be Sad Your Kids Are Growing Up
5. There's more than enough to go around. Behind the belief that you have to choose between your spouse and your kids is a sense of lack and limitation. A lot of us feel over-scheduled and overwhelmed by our lives, so it's understandable that you might believe that there's just not enough of you to go around. As a result, you think you have to make that impossible choice.
Take regular time for your own self-care. Get quality sleep, drink plenty of water, exercise and pamper yourself too. Pay attention to how abundant your life is and know it can continue to be so. This will help you be at your best when your spouse and kids do need you, and it will help you know that there really is plenty of attention, care and love for all.