Feeling rejected by your love? Here's what to do to re-connect...
Your partner doesn't have to walk out on you or file for divorce for you to feel rejected.
He might close down and refuse to talk when something is obviously bothering him. She may consistently turn down your invitations to have sex or be physically intimate with her.
He could confide in a close friend-- maybe even a friend of the opposite sex-- things that he doesn't tell you about. She might refuse your help and advice, even when you have experience or expertise that could really be of benefit to her.
There are many forms that rejection can take in a love relationship or marriage. It doesn't matter how long you two have been together and it doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman-- when you feel rejected by your mate, it hurts.
Rejection can seem to be a personal thing. It can appear, to you, that your partner is turning his or her back on you. It can seem like your partner is letting you know that you are not enough in some way.
The real trick with rejection is not to let it ruin you and your relationship.
What tends to happen is something like this...
Christina feels rejected by her husband. She knows that he's going through some stressful times at work. He was passed over for a promotion and he regularly stays late at work trying to meet deadlines, that he often misses.
When her husband comes home after a long and frustrating day, Christina wants to connect with him. She wants to be there for him during this difficult time and she wants to feel special to him too. Unfortunately, her husband usually has little energy or emotion for her. He generally turns on the computer or the tv and “zones out.”
Christina feels rejected. When she feels this way, her hurt turns into anger. She lashes out by making sarcastic comments about his lack of energy at night. She also vents to her friends and “jokes” about her husband the “lump.”
Inside, Christina is afraid that she's lost her husband and that her marriage won't last. She feels helpless, angry and inadequate.
If you're feeling rejected in your relationship and you'd like to rebound and re-connect with your mate, try these 3 techniques..
#1: Re-think the rejection
The same series of events and the same conversation can be perceived very differently by different people.
This is not to say that you're making up or inventing the rejection.
What we encourage you to do is to ask yourself if there are possibly different ways to look at what happened. Is this actually as personal-- a rejection of you-- as you think it is?
This is an important question. In the vast majority of cases, one person in a relationship will feel rejected when the other person is not meaning the words or actions to be a rejection. There could be a whole host of other factors going on for your partner.
Take the time to separate out the tangible and observable facts from how you are interpreting those facts. We know, this can be a challenge. Try it anyway.
What you're likely to find is that you're not being rejected after all. There are possibly some very real issues that you and your partner need to address, but it may not be a case of you being rejected.
#2: Determine what's true for you
After re-thinking the rejection, you may decide that perhaps you weren't rejected after all. This probably doesn't mean that all is happy and well with your relationship.
If you are feeling disconnected, ignored or in conflict with your partner, it's time to get clearer about that. What is true for you about your relationship right now?
While you can't really know what's true for your partner-- don't get sucked into thinking that you do-- you CAN know how you feel and what you want. What are your priorities? What habits are you willing to work on?
Take responsibility for your feelings and your habits AND come up with some ideas for what you might change. For example, you might experiment with new ways to offer support to your stressed out partner and really listen to what he or she needs instead of pushing the help you think is needed onto your mate.
#3: Learn from what happened.
There are times when a rejection is directly related to you and your behaviors. While your partner might not have intended to hurt your feelings or to reject you, this is the effect.
Even when it IS personal, you can still rebound and re-connect with your partner.
The key here is to acknowledge your feelings (which might include sadness, anger, irritation, embarrassment and more) AND learn from what happened.
For instance, if your partner turns down your invitations for sex regularly and you find out that it IS because of you, this can be difficult to handle. Your choice not to shut down to your mate, but to find a way to work together to improve the situation can make all of the difference.
Have the courage to ask your partner what you could do that might help him or her feel more turned on. Your partner might like more foreplay, a different sexual position or more connection before sex.
The answer to whatever problems you and your partner face could be relatively simple and easy...but you can't make any changes or experience any improvements if you haven't learned from the situation.
Even if the course of action called for is more involved, find the courage to get more information from your partner and then open up to the learning and change that can bring you two closer together.
Would you like to change the dangerous habits you and your partner have fallen into? If so, check out Susie and Otto Collins' free "Relationship Reverse Report."