So you and your mate have been together for awhile now and it seems to you that intimacy and passion are dead and lifeless?
Perhaps you look back to your early years together and wistfully remember when time spent together with your partner seemed alive and even red hot. Or it might be that your intimacy has never felt as close as you'd like. Maybe you've always longed for a spicier and more connected relationship.
Everyone has his or her own preferences about the degree of closeness or passion desired. When one or both people in a relationship are consistently disappointed and perceive their intimate connecting lacking, it's time to consider changes.
After all, being in a love relationship or marriage is a choice. Why would anyone choose to be in what seems like a passionless relationship?
Carmen remembers the days when her husband Jon brought home flowers “just because” and held her close and kissed her deeply each and every day. Now, after 25 years of marriage, it seems as if she's with a different man.
While Carmen knows that relationships mature and settle in, she didn't think intimacy with Jon would be so changed. It's almost as if he has no time or interest in keeping their love alive and passionate. She does drop not so subtle hints to Jon that she'd like to be romanced as if they were dating. But it seems like Jon only retreats further into himself afterwards.
Carmen is certain that Jon loves her and that she loves him. It just seems like they are merely good friends and co-parents to their children. This is not what she had in mind!
If you feel like Carmen and long for a relationship intimacy that is close and passionate, try these 3 tips...
Tip #1: Get clear about what you want.
It is quite common for people in long-term relationships (or even committed relationships that are newer) to settle into habits and roles and then become fixed in them.
These couples don't give much thought to the kind of relationship they want and certainly don't usually take steps toward creating such a connection. In fact, in cases like this, there is often a sense of taking for granted one's mate. Of course, it's wonderful to feel like you can count on your partner. But that doesn't mean you have to box either of you in.
There is room to be a great parent, successful career-man or woman AND continue being the engaged and exciting partner to your love.
Sometimes people stop thinking about what kind of relationship they want because they take what they have for granted and assume it's as good as it's going to get. They might also do this because they become too busy with other aspects of life.
Whatever is the case in your relationship, break out of the box and give yourself permission to envision the relationship intimacy you desire. Be as specific and clear as you can.
Carmen stops thinking back to her early days with Jon. Instead, she begins to envision what she wants for her future with him.