Photo: Joaquín Corbalán | Canva
Couples therapy provides the tools for moving into the next phase of your relationship.
By Susanna Guarino
Last updated on Jan 04, 2024
After spending years at each other’s throats while growing further apart, you feel on the brink of divorce, depressed, and not your best selves.
Should you go to couples therapy before you get to this point?
Couples therapy is a preventative measure and a wise investment in your continuing healthy relationship.
It’s also OK if you have waited to make one last effort to save your relationship. Everyone has their timeline, and you weren’t ready until now.
Here are 3 tiny signs that signal its time for couples therapy:
1. Your gut says it’s time.
Your internal warning bell lets you know your relationship has changed somehow. Problematic patterns that were always there are no longer working for you.
When you slow down and listen to your intuition, you probably know a lot that your conscious mind isn’t even always aware of. Take some deep breaths and let your mind wander to your relationship.
Notice what feelings you have in your body. Do you feel relaxed and at ease? Or do you notice some tension or discomfort? Where do you feel discomfort? What is it telling you?
Sit quietly and just let the answer come from your internal knowing. When something isn’t right in your relationship, you usually know, on a deep level, that you need to slow down and check in with yourself.
Intuition is your friend.
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2. You keep having the same fight, and nothing feels resolved.
You’re just getting more frustrated with each other and feeling stuck. You want to be heard and understood but feel judged and alone. All couples have perpetual issues.
John Gottman, the well-known relationship researcher at the Gottman Institute, estimates that about 69 percent of relationship issues are not solvable!
You must be able to talk about the unsolvable issues and come to a place of understanding, acceptance, and love.
If you’re having trouble getting there, you may have negative communication patterns or other challenges getting in the way.
Couples therapy can help you understand what’s causing you both to feel stuck and work through that so that you once again feel hopeful and heard.
3. You feel distant and disconnected and avoid talking through challenging issues.
Maybe you and your partner tend to be conflict-avoidant types who like to keep the other person happy by never bringing up what’s bothering them.
This can work for some couples, but if there’s never any conflict, that’s a sign problems are being swept under the rug that will eventually cause distance and disconnect.
Some conflict is necessary in relationships. It helps you understand and feel close to each other.
The good news is you and your partner can become closer again if you talk more honestly and openly about your feelings, even the scratchy ones. Couples therapy can help.
Here’s a bonus reason to seek couples therapy: You already have an awesome relationship, and you want an even more awesome relationship.
For example, you may have just gotten engaged. Couples therapy at this stage can be preventative, fun, and useful.
You can explore your strengths and challenges, get tools for continuing to grow and learn together, and feel more confident moving into the next phase of your relationship.
You don’t have to wait until you’ve got an exit strategy planned and bags packed to reach out to a couples therapist.
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Susanna Guarino is a Zen practicing therapist+musician and couples therapy expert who loves working with people on their journeys to healthier relationships and becoming their most authentic selves.
This article was originally published at Good Earth Counseling. Reprinted with permission from the author.