So in terms of relationship, where is the line between truth and a lie, or truth and dishonesty?
Reality and truth travel a very narrow path. What is the truth? It actually is a perception. There is no proof in the universe that anything is a truth. Many things perceived as truths have been disavowed after more is discovered. So in terms of relationship, where is the line between truth and a lie, or truth and dishonesty? What does it mean to have truth in a relationship?
More and more I discover that truth for one partner is not necessarily the same for the other. So when I say that it is important to tell the truth in a relationship, what it means is that you must tell the truth, as you perceive it to be for you. There is no universal truth about anything. The truth is simply your truth and nothing more. So in explaining a situation to your significant other, what is presented is the truth according to you. As told from several others who witnessed or participated in an incident, the truth could be a totally different picture. The truth involves telling your experience of an incident and giving your interpretation of that event and what it means to you. The key to this concept is that you are completely honest.
Denial is lying to yourself about what really happened. It is an act designed to make you look good to the world. How does it serve you? In some ways, it allows you to delay the response and avoid dealing with some of the repercussions of your situation. In the long run, denial is a place that is harmful to you. In terms of relationship, marriage particularly, denial is at the heart of the "out of control" divorce rate. So many marriages are conducted in denial simply because people are so busy and overwhelmed by life itself that they ignore all the clues that indicate that their marriage is in trouble.
It is only when it becomes a crisis that either partner chooses to address it, and at that time they act like it is a surprise. It is because they have both been lying to themselves about the condition of their relationship. It is the first time that one of them gets hurt, offended, slighted, shocked, or surprised by their partner’s behavior or response that intervention is necessary. It is not when they are at their wits end trying to deal with their partner’s inattention, abusive behavior, obvious lying, inappropriate actions or even awkward explanation of some event.
It all boils down to not wanting to admit to being wrong about this person. Take this example: Carrie and Joe are engaged. Carrie has placed Joe on a pedestal and endowed him with all of her standards and expectations about his character and integrity. Their plans are going forward until some little incident occurs, i.e., Joe goes to Vegas and loses $2,000 of their money. She loves him and doesn’t want to deal with him being less than the person that she has decided that she envisioned. So she makes it okay by ignoring the situation. That is the beginning of the end.
I am not saying that you have to be an anal-retentive obsessive about this, but it’s necessary to be aware, be present, and address things as they occur. Think about it the way someone would approach a new job. It takes several months of paying careful attention to details to become competent on your job. When people get married, they instantly think they have rapport and know how to be with each other. The reality is: it takes more than a year to know each other well enough to pick up on the clues. There are no training protocols for marriage, and I don’t know that it would be a good idea anyway, but the wedding is only the start of the engagement, not the end.
The factor that makes something a lie is the intent behind the communication.
If deceiving someone is the purpose of your words, it is a lie. If someone is misled by hearing partial truths, statements out of context, or by not receiving important data, it is a lie. Something someone forgot to mention is not a lie, unless the intent was to omit it. So it seems that lying is a conscious act with intent to deceive and harm.
My purpose in Getting What You Want is to coach both men and women to find their partner in love, chemistry and compatibility. I am a speaker, writer, trainer and coach who is passionate about sacred intimacy in solid, loving family life. I am intense, straight-talking, and have a compassionate manner, I target the core issues and quickly move you in the direction of getting what you want. I can enroll you in this passionate movement towards meaningful love and life if you are willing to do whatever it takes.