I need to address something that I have noticed for the last few years in the dating world. After spending a few evenings out with the girls this past month, I see very little interaction between single men & women. It is exasperating to watch this “non event” happen at every establishment visited throughout the course of the evening. It reminds me of a Grade 8 dance, boys on one side of the room & girls on the other.
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So what is the problem ladies & gentlemen? Why is there limited conversation or acknowledgement towards each other?
The first thing I hear from men is that women are stuck up, materialist, or just plain unapproachable! They would like to see a woman pull out her wallet once in awhile or at least reach for it. The women complain that there are no available men, that all they are looking for is sex & all the good ones are taken or Gay. How did we get to this negative place & where is this judgmental attitude coming from? Personally speaking, I think it is from the fear of commitment & not believing they deserve a loving relationship. By pushing away every opportunity, they don’t have to deal with the rejection that they fear will eventually happen anyway. It is a very defeatist attitude and a sad way to live life by sabotaging a potential relationship. We all need love in our lives but have to understand that we are worthy of it and welcome it into our world. Negativity & insecurity destroys happiness in all forms.
Why Is It So Hard To Meet Someone & What Are So Many Single Men & Women Doing Wrong?
• Ladies go out in large groups, so men feel intimidated to approach them.
• Women like to sit in booths which mean there is a limited pathway that allows men access to converse with them. (no escape route if things don’t go well)
• Men sit with their backs to the room on a bar stool which signifies they are closed off.
• Women are quick to label a man with what he is wearing & who he hangs with.
• Women "expect" to have a drink bought for them if a man connects with them.
• If there is a conversation, the questions begin with: “what do you do for work?” or “why are you single?” This puts both sexes on the defensive.
• Men wait until they are leaving to say hi or smile at a woman they are attracted to.
• Eye contact & conversation finally comes after a big dose of liquid courage much later in the evening.
• Men use sarcasm to get a women’s attention. (reminds me of boys pulling a girls ponytail to get noticed in elementary school!)
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How Do We Correct This Behavior?
1) Who you are hanging out with & how they are perceived by others? Are they rude or standoffish and ruining your chance to meet someone? Guilty by association happens more often than people realize. How are you perceived?
2) Regardless of whether you are male or female do not be afraid to make the first contact. A smile, a hello on your way to the washroom, or “cheers” with your glass says you are open to conversation. It gives people the “OK” that you are receptive to go to the next step.