Women: Being Unavailable Versus Playing A Game

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Women: Being Unavailable Versus Playing A Game
Is there a difference between playing hard to get and doing what is right for your life?

Now a caveat to this discussion is that we are talking about cultivating relationships with healthy men who want to be in relationships. We are not talking about men who purposely keep a woman (or several women) at arm’s length.  These are cheaters and liars and you should not allow him to dictate your availability.  Don’t get sucked into "call me" or "we'll go out..." Do not let him call the communication shots. Don't let him convince you that he needs to be free when "free" means out with other women. 

Some experts think that if you play "hard to get," it feeds right into the type of relationship a commitmentphobe or avoidant type prefers.  No.  The idea is not to let him come and go as he pleases, but to see how much he pleases to come and go.  If a guy is disappearing way too often and not treating you well, it's time to end it.  Get a grip early on, otherwise you'll be on the crappy end of a carrot on a stick.  You have to be in charge of your availability, not always waiting around for a player or commitmentphobe to grace you with his presence.  Not chasing him gives you the opportunity to weed out those who can't be bothered to show up except when he wants to.

Third, whole people have happy, healthy and whole relationships. Having separate interests, friends and time apart is healthy. So if you both separate, do your thing and have your own interests and friends, you are healthy and whole people. When you come back together it will be wonderful.

This should start when you’re dating and continue until you’re married 50 years. If there is jealousy, possessiveness, attempts to separate you from that which you love, it will not work. Women must have their own interests, nurture their friendships, take time away from their guy and the relationship. They may not be always happy about it, but they’ll learn to get okay with it. If they’re not okay with it, then they’re not okay with you.

Do not always be available when you are dating. Do not answer every call. Do not get into the habit of constant texting or email. Do not accept every invitation. Do not act as if this guy is the be all end all. Pull back a bit, physically, mentally and emotionally. When you do bond and things are good, leave sooner than you would like. You don’t want a guy watching the clock waiting for when you’re going to leave. Be upbeat about leaving and think of it in a positive way. It's important to not leave too early and not leave too late. It's important to leave them wanting more but not feeling abandoned. It’s a balance that takes work to achieve but you can achieve it.

Remember, he does not want to feel abandoned or insignificant. So you can't just disappear completely for a long period of time, but don't be always available either. It takes practice but you begin to know what makes a guy feel at 50 percent. It's a matter of figuring out how not to dip below 50 and what will get him to 80 without demand and control on your part.

When you leave first, you don’t feel abandoned or needy. You don’t show your insecure or whiny side. This is when guys disappear and women panic.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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