Why Unrequited Giving Doesn't Keep a Relationship Together


Why Unrequited Giving Doesn't Keep a Relationship Together
You think you're a generous person and no one appreciates that. The truth is that you're wrong.

Unrequited giving happens when someone is afraid of being him or herself in a relationship. They hide behind a wall of “Here, let me do that for you…” and hope that they become an indispensible part of another’s life. But that rarely happens. And if it does happen, it still doesn’t make it okay. Instead of a partner, you have found a user, a leech, a freeloader, a child (and usually a badly-behaved child at that). Healthy people will not let you give and give without reciprocation. If you have someone like that, they're either ready to run or content to stick around and suck you dry.  You don't want either.

A healthy relationship can only exist when both people bring equally to the table. A healthy relationship means bringing yourself, your real self, and not just your bank book to the table. A healthy relationship is about caring for each other, not one person carrying the burden.


Learning to be healthy in relationships starts with giving to yourself. You learn what you like and don’t like. You learn to kick the habit of overspending, overdoing, over-fixing. You may always feel a tug to do more and more, but you learn to keep it in check. When you start to give, you ask yourself if you’re doing it from insecurity or from your heart. When you start to give, ask when you last “got.” Giving works only in reciprocal relationships.

When relationships are “even” in how much time, money and effort is given, everyone feels better. Put your credit card away and learn to bring you to the relationship and know that is enough.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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