1. Safety: Are you physically, mentally, emotionally or verbally harmed? Are there times you are afraid of what your partner will do or say? Are there times that seeing your partner fills you with dread?
2. Self-esteem: Do you feel guilty, "less-than", not good enough, not worthy in your relationship? Does your partner criticize your behavior, your looks, or any other traits and qualities? Do you own that criticism and internalize it? Do you beat yourself up because of what you've done or continue to do? Are you taking the blame for the failures in the relationship? Has your partner broken up with you more than once because you haven't changed or haven't changed enough and you've been searching for the magic solution to make this person stay once and for all? Have you jumped through emotional hoops for your partner because he or she never seems to be happy with you? Have you ever hated yourself for being a fool for your partner?
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3. Job/career: Have you ever called in sick because of being emotionally upset? Do you miss work to do things for your partner that he or she would not take care of? Do you neglect your job or career for your relationship? Do you obsess about your relationship to the detriment of your professional life?
4. Children: Are your children neglected when you were arguing with your mate? Are you ever frustrated or too upset to do things with/for your children? Do you swing between neglect and over-indulgence of your children out of guilt? Have you left your kids too long at a sitter or daycare because you needed to do something with your partner? Are you irritable or emotionally unavailable for your children because of the drain of your relationship? Do your children act rude to you because you've had no boundaries with your partner or you've been such as doormat for everyone, your chldren see you as one? Have you ever thought that your children may be rude to you because they don't respect you and they don't respect you because of the role you play in relationships?
5. Finances: Do you spend money on the relationship that you do not have? Does your partner siphon money off from you or the household? Does your partner ask you "lend" him or her money and you loaned it even though you knew he or she did not have the means to pay it back? Do you spend money on self-improvement because your partner is critical of certain areas? Do you spend money on gym memberships or diet programs because your partner is critical of your weight? Do you spend above your means to be more attractive? Do you pay for things that your partner should pay for or help you pay for? Are you financially frustrated with your partner?
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6. Stamina: Does the relationship drain you physically, mentally, or emotionally? Do you lose sleep or neglect your health because of the relationship trauma/drama? Do you have trouble sleeping or turning off your thoughts and that results in being a mess the next day?
7. Legal: Have you ever done anything in your relationship that could get you into legal trouble? Are you so wiped out that you forget small things like getting your car inspected or you are upset and speed or you become so upset you drink and drive? Are there things you are doing that could get you in big or small legal trouble that you would not be doing if not for this relationship?