Misconception #5: Everybody's doing it.
In fact, sexlessness is a real problem that's increasingly afflicting us at a societal level. Our over-consumption of sex information and behavior is actually destroying intimacy, trust and understanding between the sexes.
More and more often, I hear stories of men unable to engage in intercourse with a real woman because of all the pornography they're consuming. More and more often, I hear young women despairing of any satisfying relationship with men because they're being treated as if they are the unrealistic, virtual women of the digital world, mere extensions of the male ego there for enjoyment, but not expected to have their own needs and desires.
Many young people claim to be completely comfortable with the recreational sex lifestyle, but studies show that the most frequent and most enjoyable sex is, on average, being had by married couples. You can argue that my morality is showing here, that I'm just an old-fashioned reactionary. My question in return is, how's that hip attitude about sex working for you? Just because all things are permissible does not mean they are all beneficial. It is important to consider the question of whether these changes have been healthy for us.
The reality: Be the chooser.
While none of us can single handedly change a culture, each of us can control our own choices. Here are some suggestions for healthy choices around sexuality that honor and care for yourself, and open the door to that vibrant and joyful intimacy we all crave:
- Choose your partner carefully and lovingly. Don't rush into sex.
- Choose a relationship that is based on mutual love and respect.
- Limit the amount of information you consume related to sex.
- Choose your sources of information about sex carefully.
- Avoid behaviors that activate the law of diminishing returns.
- Be gutsy enough to stay strong when you feel pressure (real or imagined) to lower your standards.
If every person in America made those choices, we could experience a majority of relationships between men and women based on mutual respect, trust and understanding. Maybe then our children, growing up in an atmosphere of love, would have their creative energies freed to bring peace and prosperity to the whole world. Hey, it could happen!