The reality: Sex is about connection.
The richest and most satisfying sex happens when you don't have any agenda at all, except breathing each other in and feeling each other on every level — body, soul and spirit. In this state, your love for each other feeds your desire and arousal, which in turn feeds your love in an upward spiral of passion. It may beautifully resolve itself in a release ... or not. But this kind of intimacy bonds you tightly together and keeps the closeness in your relationship.
Misconception #3: You're bound to get bored, so spice things up a bit.
Articles abound recommending new positions, new locations, new sexual acts, using pornography, sharing fantasies and a host of other things that would not have been allowed in print twenty years ago. Some of the suggestions are potentially problematic for the couple relationship. Most also activate the law of diminishing returns.
The reality: You're bound to get bored, so agree to a period of abstinence.
When food becomes boring, try fasting for a week. I guarantee you that a simple apple will look delicious at the end of the week, while junk food and sweets will have no appeal. If your sex life as a couple is boring, forbid yourselves from touching each other for a whole week. Dedicate yourselves to the fine art of flirting for that week. If you even last that long, I guarantee that the fire and passion will be back.
Misconception #4: Keep reading about sex (or watching porn), we have more for you!
As a society, we are addicted to our digital information consumption. Families actually sit around the table at a restaurant and text each other instead of talking. Whenever people have a few spare minutes, they bury their heads in their smart phones, iPads, or eBook readers. We are inundated with information, but lonelier and less connected than ever. We have become jaded from too much exposure to information about and images of sex.
The reality: Keep the mystery and vulnerability in bed by getting your information from your partner.
Is it really so important to know what other people are doing? When sex was mainly a taboo topic that was addressed once by your same-sex parent in an awkward conversation about the birds and the bees, it was a great mystery. The joy of discovery and exploration belonged to the young couple whose information and experience came from each other.
There may have been some whispering in the back rooms, rumors of things "some" people did, but if you ever did dare explore that behavior, it was a very private moment with your lover and involved equal risk and vulnerability on both sides. You learned about sex, and you learned what pleased your partner, all at the same time. It was a wild adventure!