Try this relationship building exercise from my 'Today's Positive Interaction' series.
Today’s couple building assignment is to snuggle on the couch for an evening and talk, without turning the TV on. This positive interaction will especially fill the love tank of anyone who has “Quality Time” as a primary Love Language.
When children enter the picture, it’s very easy for the couple relationship to morph into a sort of business partnership.
“I got breakfast and carpool.”
“You got daycare pick up?”
“Can you start the laundry while I run to the store?”
“Should we sign Susie up for soccer?”
While these discussions need to happen, they can lead to a feeling of distance if they are the only topics of interaction. More relaxing conversations that don’t involve adult responsibilities are important to have as well.
So what to talk about? Don’t put too much pressure on that. Guys are easier to draw out if something else is going on and they’re talking beside you while sharing an activity. So give each other foot rubs and neck rubs. Caress each others arms and legs. Scratch each others backs. Look each other in the eyes frequently and smile. Ask how the day went. Ask what’s been on their mind recently. Avoid starting with anything heavy.
The power of this simple little interaction is in the bonding. Having pleasurable connection is what keeps you strong as a couple. The more fun times and good memories you share, the happier you are together. This doesn’t mean avoiding all conflict – that is actually the number one predictor of divorce! But it does mean that you need to look for as many opportunities to have positive energy exchange as possible.
So make a couch date! And enjoy the down time.