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2 HOT Secrets Monogamous Couples Can Learn From Kinky People

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Sex

You're going to be surprised!

It's such an ironic situation, don't you think? Polly Whittaker, creator of Kinky Salon and author of the new memoir "POLLY: Sex Culture Revolutionary," has actually been "orgasmically challenged" for most of her life.

Imagine being the producer of award-winning sex parties where a hundred or more people attend to have sex together... but you, yourself, can't even orgasm! Talk about working out your demons through your occupation.

And I can relate because I didn't even understand what good sex was until I was at least 45 years old and now I'm a sex-advice publisher!

Polly's memoir let's you witness the emotional process she went through that resulted in her becoming an experienced woman now offering wisdom. 

I knew she would have some smart advice, so I asked her: "What can a heterosexual, monogamous couple learn from openly sexual and sexually kinky people that would increase passion and eroticism in their lovemaking?"

Here the two tips Polly recommends for a hotter sex life:

1. Create a "safe word."

"One of the greatest tools of kink is the safe word'," Polly says. "You pick a word like 'pumpkin', or something you're not likely to say in the throes of ecstasy, so you can scream 'no, no, stop!' all you like without meaning it."

Couples can role-play ideas and characters during sex and you both know with confidence that you don't have to stop unless one of you uses the safe word. It allows you to explore a sexual edge or try something new but fear going too far, safety is guaranteed.

According to Polly, having a safe word means "consent isn't just implied, it's explicit."

A safe word is generally good for any couple, even if they're not into anything kinky. For example, when you're out at a party, you can say your safe word to your partner and they will immediately be on high alert that "something is not right."

I use this with my husband, Tim, when I need to be extricated from a weird or even mind-numbing conversation with some boorish person. When your woman has a safe word with you, you get to be the masculine leader she can rely on.

A safe word also increases a couple’s masculine/feminine polarity, and when you increase your polarity, you increase your animal magnetism, which results in hotter sex.

Plus, a safe word is like having your own private club with two members. It's something that as a couple, brings you even closer together.
 

2. Establish and honor clear boundaries.

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Millions of movies and love songs tell us what love is supposed to look like. Mainstream culture heavily influences are approach to relationships. But kinky and polyamorous people are not a part of this norm. 

"People exploring non-traditional relationships don't have the same assumptions," Polly says, "so they need to communicate more to figure out if they're on the same page. They create the parameters of their own relationships rather than using a relationship model that already exists."

It's already happening. The next generation of lovers is redefining the rules and taking much of the smart learning generated by the open relationship and polyamorous crowd, including getting on the same page about boundaries and desires right up front before engaging sexually.

  • What do you need?
  • What can you offer?
  • What is your history?
  • What's your STD status?
  • What turns you on?
  • What are you looking for?

These are just a few of the questions that non-traditional couples ask each other. This level of conscious communication creates a level of safety between lovers.

Relationships have broken the mold of the Boomer and Gen X generations. Gen Y and Millennials are rewriting the scripts. And much of the wisdom of the new rules for relationships has come from the sexual revolution of which Polly was an integral participant.

So, thank you, Polly Whittaker. You really delivered.

What would your boundaries and desires be NOW, if you could rewrite YOUR relationship rules afresh?

This article was originally published at Personal Life Media. Reprinted with permission from the author.

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