Indications that you might be the one preventing your relationship from being all it can be.
I get women and men in all the time that are so focused on what's wrong with their spouse that they fail to see or take responsibility for their part in the relationship issues.
Every one of us plays a part in our relationships and in their success, or failure. It's easy to put all the responsibility and blame on our partner. So, in the words of Jeff Foxworthy, you might be a Grinch if:
- You withhold love and affection because your spouse hasn't learned to read your mind. You know the scenario; you want your partner to do something for you, but instead of asking, the Grinch thinks: they should just "know" that I want them to do it. And when they don't, we're hurt and angry.
- When you have a disagreement, it's their fault. The Grinch never stops to consider how their behavior might be contributing to the disagreement. Grinch thoughts include: Why can't she just see things my way? He's so stubborn. I tried to be nice and just let it go, but she just kept pushing my buttons until I had to react.
- You use sex to get your way. Need I say more?
- You blame him or her for pretty much anything that's wrong with their life. The Grinch believes that any decision made that didn't turn out as hoped is because of someone else's direction or advice. Seriously? Your partner forced you to take that job you hate with the overbearing boss, or quit the job you loved? We all have free will and need to accept responsibility for decisions we've made along the way, both the good and the bad.
- You don't give unless you've already received. The Grinch sees generosity as a weakness. In Grinch speak: If I give (a gift, a hug, my time, etc.) and don't get something in return it means that I've opened myself up to be taken advantage of and possibly hurt.
Don't risk your relationship and happiness by being a Grinch! Just like the infamous Dr. Seuss Grinch, you might just find that opening your heart will actually help it grow "three sizes" and with the love you get in return, who knows, it might just burst!
More Advice on Relationships from YourTango:
- A New Twist On The 80/20 Rule For Relationships
- Romance: How To Keep It Going Forever
- The Best Love Advice On YourTango