Don’t Be Foolish. The Fever Still Burns. . .

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Deepen Your Love: A Bee Gees Perspective

For those who are looking for or involved in a serious, committed relationship, none of you want to spend a significant amount of time in the shallow waters of the kiddie pool. Our relationships should naturally deepen as we spend time with one another, getting to know each other better. We’ve done this since our earliest friendships on the playground; we invest our time and effort in people we care about. Connecting with our spouse or partner and deepening the relationship is what bonds us together and draws us closer.  My hope is to help all the couples in my practice deepen their love in 2016. How can I help all of you do that and remember?

And do you know what time spent together and a deepening of the relationship does? It reassures both partners that they matter, that they are important, and that their contributions to the relationship are significant. And who doesn’t love to feel missed, wanted, or needed? In fact, it’s simply human nature, the need to feel significant. We all want to know that we’re part of something larger than ourselves, and that we’re continually working on it. Because simply starting a relationship is just that, a beginning. It’s a journey, and even those who have been together for years will still find that they grow and learn new things about one another. It never gets old hearing how you were missed, wanted, and needed to your spouse.

I figured that having couples remember the disco era and singing songs of an age gone by may help. So deepening our relationships is a continual process, and I don’t know about you, but every time I hear the phrase, “deepen the relationship,” the iconic Bee Gees song starts playing in the back of my mind. “How deep is your love? How deep is your love? I really need to learn…” How deep is your love by the Bee Gees will remind couples how important it is to focus on this every day.

Whether you actually heard that song debut in 1977 (and subsequently win a Grammy) or not, you have undoubtedly listened to it, maybe unwillingly, at some point in your life. And though some of us may turn our nose up at this disco-era hit, the Bee Gees, who wrote the ballad, do bring up some good points about deepening the love and connection with your spouse or significant other. So, without further ado, here are four golden nuggets of wisdom for deepening your love via the Bee Gees:

  1. Spend Time Together- The entire first verse centers on the need for time together (in the morning, in the rain, etc.). While spending time with one another may seem like a no-brainer, it’s shocking how many couples find themselves drifting apart simply because of so little time invested in one another. And make no mistake—time together is an investment! Be intentional about spending time with your spouse; this may include turning off cell phones, so that work, friends, or social networking cannot enter into the time you’ve set aside for one another.
  2. Recharge the Romance - Even the Bee Gees were asking their ladies to “show how deep is your love,” and your relationship is no exception. Put words into action by simply touching your spouse when you walk by, greeting one another with affection after your work days, and/or setting aside specific time for a romantic date night (in or out).  Saying “I love you” is wonderful, but words with no action can soon seem hollow and empty. Put your money where your mouth is and plan that romantic getaway or night out.
  3. Be Supportive – This doesn’t mean always agreeing with everything your spouse says, like that proposed cross-country trip on matching Vespas, but it does mean that you lend a listening ear each day. Actual listening can be quite challenging in our smart phone, ipad, media-everywhere world, so be sure when your spouse is talking to you that you set aside your phone and look him/her in the eye. Nothing shows support and care like listening, and your spouse will also notice the attention you’re giving and that will pay off in dividends down the road.
  4. It Take Two to Disco – Remember that there are only two of you in this relationship. As the Bee Gees so eloquently put it, “we’re living in a world of fools, breaking us down…”  Sometimes we can allow outside influences into our relationships, whether this is family, friends, or Dr. Phil. While many of these people may have good intentions, their advice may not always be the best when it comes to strengthening and deepening your relationship. So take all advice and comments with a grain of salt or a deaf ear in some cases, and consider what will work best for you and your partner.

So while the Bee Gees classic disco hit may be approaching its 40-year anniversary, there’s still plenty of wisdom to be gained through its words.

So Many songs are written based on personal experience, loss, love, and hardship. This is why music is a medium that many people easily connect to—they feel understood and can immediately relate. So, without breaking out the polyester and leisure suits, how will you apply these Bee Gee vibes to your relationship?

So keep this in mind the next time you make fun of the Bee Gees or deny to your friends that you like OR EVEN LISTEN to their music. Here are their lyrics:

How Deep Is Your Love Lyrics

Bee Gees

I know your eyes in the morning sun

I feel you touch me in the pouring rain

And the moment that you wander far from me

I want to feel you in my arms again

And you come to me on a summer breeze

Keep me warm in your love, then you softly leave

And it's me you need to show

How deep is your love, how deep is your love

How deep is your love?

I really mean to learn

'Cause we're living in a world of fools

Breaking us down when they all should let us be

We belong to you and me

I believe in you

You know the door to my very soul

You're the light in my deepest, darkest hour

You're my savior when I fall

And you may not think I care for you

When you know down inside that I really do

And it's me you need to show

How deep is your love, how deep is your love

How deep is your love?

I really mean to learn

'Cause we're living in a world of fools

Breaking us down when they all should let us be

We belong to you and me

And you come to me on a summer breeze

Keep me warm in your love, then you softly leave

And it's me you need to show

How deep is your love, how deep is your love

How deep is your love?

I really mean to learn

'Cause we're living in a world of fools

Breaking us down when they all should let us be

We belong to you and me

How deep is your love, how deep is your love

I really mean to learn

'Cause we're living in a world of fools

Breaking us down when they all should let us be

We belong to you and me

How deep is your love, how deep is your love

I really mean to learn

'Cause we're living in a world of fools

Breaking us down when they all should let us be

We belong to you and me

Songwriters: GIBB, BARRY ALAN/GIBB, MAURICE ERNEST/GIBB, ROBIN HUGH

How Deep Is Your Love lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Universal Music Publishing Group

Stuart Fensterheim LCSW is a loving, passionate husband, father, entrepreneur, and author. He is the owner and clinical director of The Couples Expert Relationship Counseling Center. For more information, download the brochure. To schedule your FREE 30-minute telephone consultation with one of the couples experts click here!  You can also contact him at 480-993-1922

TO REGISTER FOR A STUART’S FREE WEBINAR "FIVE HIDDEN REASONS COUPLES FIGHT" GO TO THIS LINK

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