7 Ways Porn Wreaks Havoc In Marriage

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7 Ways Porn Wreaks Havoc In Marriage

My obsession with porn? All About Me. I remember actually telling girlfriends to "Deal with it, it is just something that I do - who I am." With every look at porn, I objectified women more and more. Many of what would seem like innocent glances at women were filled with lust, sad to say. I didn't keep those looks for my wife, because I had no boundaries. I let my eyes and mind run wild with mental images of women. The interesting thing? Being intentional about my thoughts, and my eyes has made me desire my wife much more. Now, I think about where I am looking and what and whom I am looking at. It allows me to analyze the thoughts that I am having. Porn caused me to 'speed' through my thoughts. I used to automatically jump to lust in many situations. But, by putting the boundary up, I slow the process down in my mind. I don't have as many lustful thoughts, and I can really think about my thoughts.

5. I Had No Vision for My Marriage

 

Porn makes it all about right NOW. Once again - All About Me. My fun, my desire, my need. Ahh, but a marriage is made up of two people. It's not all about me and my needs. My wife has needs, wants and desires too. But in the moment, I was most important, and our marriage didn't matter, all I cared about was that burning desire. When it's all about me, I don't think of 'us.' I don't think about the future. I don't think of the goals that we have.

6. I Worried About the 'What Ifs'?

I guess that this would be my "commitment" worry. In my head, I started wondering if she was as committed to our marriage as I was. How backwards is that? I was the one looking at porn! The "what ifs" were just an excuse to justify the porn. What if she left, what if there was someone else? All of these were just lies and justifications that, looking back, don't make sense. Lusting after nameless bodies caused me to have crazy jealous thoughts about my wife. All because I was the one with the issue. (Face it, if you are struggling with porn - YOU are the one with the issue - not your spouse!)

7. I Didn't Realize That I Hurt Myself When I Hurt Her

From a purely selfish standpoint, I don't like to hurt. But every time I would act out with porn, I not only hurt her, I also hurt our relationship. Both of these hurts would ultimately end up causing hurt to myself. As I continued with porn, it caused distance, lack of trust, and fear in my wife. All of these things that hurt her, caused her to point that hurt right back at me. Can My Marriage Be Saved?

Porn Doesn't Have to Have the Final Word
 
If you struggle with pornography, it doesn't have to control your life. There are avenues that you can pursue to get free from the hold that it has on you. Maybe you feel like you have a handle on it, and can quit at any time. If that's the case - I would encourage you to do just that. In the long run, it will be better for you - and your marriage. 
If you DO need to talk to someone about your struggle, please leave a comment below or reach out to me, or someone you can trust. The first step is admitting that you have a problem.


Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Stu Gray

Marriage Educator

Stu and his wife are marriage mentors who love encouraging and challenging married couples to have a stupendous marriage!

Location: Franklin, TN
Credentials: Other
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