RELATIONSHIP BUILDING 101: THE 90 DAY RULE

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RELATIONSHIP BUILDING 101: THE 90 DAY RULE
So you think you’re in love? Scary right? How do you keep your heart from being broken?

As the 90 days comes to an end, you may find you can’t figure out why you were so attracted to this person anymore. If this happens, you’ll be very glad you read this and paid attention because you will have been smart enough to keep your heart and your life safe. If you are still really excited and happy about them, great! Go for another 90 days and see where you’re at then, because now you’re really in authentic getting-to-know-you time. Now the real people begin to emerge. Forgetfulness happens, drinking habits and other personal quirks emerge, possessiveness and jealously rear their ugly heads. Or not.

Maybe you have found your special lover and it will last a lifetime. And as we know, we usually fall in love several times before that happens, so it makes sense to have a plan of action that you can keep yourself safe with when you start falling again. It’s not so hard, really. It’s just 1,2,3...

Be aware that what you’re feeling in the beginning is instinctive, hormone imbalance meant to promote primitive reproduction.
Don’t jump in and start saying “I love you” when in fact it’s really “I just want you!” Love takes time and knowledge and there will be plenty of time if this is it.
Use the time to get to know each other, your friends, families, interests and activities (even maybe, your sexual rhythms ‘cause you know a long relationship can’t last if both parties aren’t willing to sexually please the other.)
Don’t move in or make other long-term commitments. Just have fun. Enjoy each other. Travel together, cook together, spend long weekends together but keep your own place and space. Keep your own heart and life separate.
Notice when things start feeling more realistic and differences start rising. It’s ok. You’re just getting to know each other. Can you stand it if these things are unchanging?
(yeah … one more) Keep track of all this on a calendar. Mark the 90 days off as they go by. It’s fun and you’ll be glad you did!!
Uhmmmm … if you’re still in love at the end of 90 days and you think that person is the best thing since cell phones? Try it for another 90 days. It won’t hurt anything to be smart and safe for the first six months! And maybe you will find yourself in a real relationship that can last and grow instead of saying good-bye in anger or hurt at the end of another long-term, short lived one.

Stanlee Panelle, M.A. is a former Psychotherapist that practices internationally as a Personal Life Coach successfully teaching people how to overcome depression and enrich their relationships for the past 10 years. Coach Stanlee also specializes in guiding Mid-Life Women through the transition into the best years of their life. For more information on how to overcome depression or for a free consultation contact Coach Stanlee at www.stanleepanellecoaching.com

 

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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