RELATIONSHIP BUILDING 101: THE 90 DAY RULE

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RELATIONSHIP BUILDING 101: THE 90 DAY RULE
So you think you’re in love? Scary right? How do you keep your heart from being broken?

Second, don’t jump off the cliff and dive in with “I love you” or even thinking that this one is so different than any other. Maybe it is, maybe not, but you’re not going to know for a while a yet so try to stay calm and attentive to what’s going on. Everyone puts their best foot forward in a new and blooming relationship. It feels natural and it’s easy to do because both of you want to please the other so everything seems to be flowing so smoothly. But … you don’t know each other yet – no matter how much you talk and share secrets you’ve never told anyone else! It takes time to know someone and many different shared experiences, so just hang on and enjoy this fun time of getting to know each other and try to stay aware that that is what’s going on.

Third, it’s not time to make commitments yet. In these first 90 days, the biggest thing going on is the clouded attempt to make you like each other. So use this time to your advantage. Enjoy all the flowers and lovely dates and long talks. Spend time together doing as many different things as you can think of. Meet each other’s friends and try to pay attention to them, they will tell you a lot about your new love. Meet each other ‘s family’s if that’s on the agenda for you and don’t sweat about it. They are just people too and if you pay attention, they too will tell you about your sweetie… especially in their interactions with each other.

 

Fouth, go ahead and enjoy all the activities you want to – even sex if that’s alright with you. Go on trips together and spend weekends together … even a week if it’s right for you and available. Whatever you want. But do not give your heart away! Think of different endearing ways to admire and appreciate each other but don’t say I love you, don’t move in together and don’t make any long term commitments. I mean, really, would you loan your car to someone to drive out of state with that you had only known 6 or 8 weeks? Your heart and your life are far more precious than a car.

The first three months are at your own risk. This is why many generations have advised not being sexual too quickly or spending too much time together in the early days. Your hormones are in control and they have no agenda except to mate.

Fifth, about 82 days in, you will begin to notice a slow down in your need to see this person at every opportunity. You will begin to be more reasonable about spending time with your friends again, making plans that don’t include your sweetie, and so will they. You might even begin to notice that there are some little details about this person that you aren’t thrilled stupid by like the way they dress or how much TV they watch or that they fall asleep watching movies. Something. Stuff starts emerging as the hormones begin to subside, whether you’ve had sex or not. Pay attention to these things and start asking yourself, “if this never changes will I still want this person?”

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
 
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