The "No Kill Policy": How To Control Anger As A Parent

By Stacy York. Posted on Aug 7th 2012.

When you get mad at your kids, just remember this "no kill policy."

Since I have been in private practice, I have often said to families: "I have a no kill policy." Parents and children just look at me with the oddest looks. 2 Types Of Parents: Which One Are You?

Then, I go on to explain: "Sometimes, especially in our families, we have really strong emotions that make us angry and want to attack the ones we love. Strong emotions can often times lead us to have strong actions. We may get to a point where we feel like we want to kill somebody, but we just can't do it."

More from YourTango: Amazing Women Battle The Military Stigma of PTSD

Upon explaining, parents and children both nod their head and say, "Yeah, I get that. Sometimes I'm so angry that I don't want to look at the other person or be in the same space as them." Anxious Parenting: Are You Guilty Of It?

This then leads to a discussion of what we do when we are angry. I continue to be amazed at how many adults cannot handle their angry in a helpful, appropriate manner. Yet, the expectation is that children should be able to handle their anger as well.

Anger is a powerful, strong emotion, so we need powerful, strong strategies to help release that anger. As adults, we need to have our anger strategies figured out before we attempt to figure that out with our own children. Then, we must remember that our children's emotions are their emotions, not ours.

So, we don't have to or need to be activated by them. Let them have their emotion and do not get trapped in feeling like you have to have an emotion to go along with theirs. As parents/caregivers, we must be able to be in control of our emotions in order to help children calm down and process their own emotions. Therefore, as you move through your parenting, remember "the no kill policy." You may feel that strongly and so may your child. 5 Effective Alternatives To Spanking Your Kids

More from YourTango: Is Childhood Abuse Affecting Your Relationships?

Calm your amygdala and process your feelings before moving forward in your relationship with your child!

More love advice from YourTango:

Want more expert advice?

Article contributed by

View profile

Advanced Member

Stacy York

Author

Stacy G. York

Mother, Wife, LCSW, Parent GUIDE

Founder, Be What's RIGHT

http://bewhatsright.com/

https://twitter.com/Stacyyork

https://www.facebook.com/bewhatsright?ref=hl

Location: Billings, MT

Credentials: LCSW, MSW

Specialties: Abuse / Survivors of Abuse, Parenting, Post Traumatic Stress / Trauma

Website: http://bewhatsright.com/

Amazing Women Battle The Military Stigma of PTSD

By Stacy York

My husband and I were checking our facebook pages the other day and we came across the ABC news link about Battling BARE, Inc. I had to share this news. I am not being paid to spread this message. I have no affiliate link with them. I am merely an American who is sharing a unified concern about the men and women who protect my freedom and how they are treated ... Read more

Is Childhood Abuse Affecting Your Relationships?

By Stacy York

Child abuse is the physical, sexual, or emotional mistreatment or neglect of a child or children. Eventually, the child becomes an adult. While childhood abuse does not define a person, it can creep it's way into our relationships without knowing. Meet Carrie. She is this amazing mother of 4 who has been married for 22 years. Carrie came ... Read more

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex

By Stacy York

I met Jay when he was four years old. He came into my office because he said, "She's a bitch and I would like to fuck her" to a preschool girl. He was four. I truly believe that he had no idea what he was saying and what the actual words meant. However, he had been exposed to these words and had even witnessed many things that he never should ... Read more