How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex

By Stacy York. Posted on Oct 9th 2012.

If they don't get the sex talk from their parents, they will get it somewhere else.

I met Jay when he was four years old. He came into my office because he said, "She's a bitch and I would like to fuck her" to a preschool girl. He was four.

I truly believe that he had no idea what he was saying and what the actual words meant. However, he had been exposed to these words and had even witnessed many things that he never should have. Jay had been recently removed from his parents custody and sent to live with his grandfather.

More from YourTango: Amazing Women Battle The Military Stigma of PTSD

Why am I telling you this? Your kids are going to school with other Jays now. He's the little boy with behaviorial problems. He's the grade-school kiddo who french kisses girls on the bus. He's the sexually promiscuous teenager.

It is not Jay's fault that he was exposed to such vile things at a young age. It will take a lifetime to rewire and "fix" his brain connections around the concept sex and what it means. And unfortunately, Jay is not alone.

There are hundreds of kids walking through my office door ... and most of them are aware of sex or at least know "what boys and girls do." So, it is crucial that parents start getting comfy with the notion of talking about sex with their kids. A recent article in USA Today says "teens are even less comfortable talking about sex with their parents than parents are."

Kids are going to learn about sex whether parents talk to them about it or not. As a professional, I believe in having kids learn about sex from their parents instead of their friends and sex education courses. With that in mind, here are some simple tips for talking to your kids about sex:

1. Establish trust. You need a relationship with the children before discussing sex. So begin building one if it hasn't already been established.

More from YourTango: Is Childhood Abuse Affecting Your Relationships?

Kids do not want to talk to people who are just going to lecture them or tell them what not to do. Spend time listening to your kids' life and what's happening in it before you have "the talk."

More love advice from YourTango:

Get more expert advice!

Article contributed by

View profile

Advanced Member

Stacy York

Author

Stacy G. York

Mother, Wife, LCSW, Parent GUIDE

Founder, Be What's RIGHT

http://bewhatsright.com/

https://twitter.com/Stacyyork

https://www.facebook.com/bewhatsright?ref=hl

Location: Billings, MT

Credentials: LCSW, MSW

Specialties: Abuse / Survivors of Abuse, Parenting, Post Traumatic Stress / Trauma

Website: http://bewhatsright.com/

Amazing Women Battle The Military Stigma of PTSD

By Stacy York

My husband and I were checking our facebook pages the other day and we came across the ABC news link about Battling BARE, Inc. I had to share this news. I am not being paid to spread this message. I have no affiliate link with them. I am merely an American who is sharing a unified concern about the men and women who protect my freedom and how they are treated ... Read more

Is Childhood Abuse Affecting Your Relationships?

By Stacy York

Child abuse is the physical, sexual, or emotional mistreatment or neglect of a child or children. Eventually, the child becomes an adult. While childhood abuse does not define a person, it can creep it's way into our relationships without knowing. Meet Carrie. She is this amazing mother of 4 who has been married for 22 years. Carrie came ... Read more

5 Love Lessons From Families With Down Syndrome

By Stacy York

I remember sitting in the doctor's office, pregnant with our first child. The doctor reviewed all of the prenatal tests that would determine what could be "wrong" with my baby. I promised my husband I would love my child regardless of "what was wrong." October can easily be colored pink for Breast Cancer Awareness Month or ... Read more