Why do women settle for frogs?


Why do women settle for frogs?

How many frogs have you kissed in your lifetime?  Mario and I have a joke that it took me kissing over 100 frogs to find him.  There’s nothing wrong with kissing frogs, but why do women stay in mediocre or even abusive relationships?  Why do we settle for so much less than we deserve?
Times are changing but it wasn’t that long ago when women were taught to be subservient to men.  We were expected to cater to a man’s needs in the kitchen, living room, and bedroom.  Even though women have elevated their status in society, this acquiescent behavior extends to the boardroom, even today, as we still aren’t earning equal pay for equal work. 
We were also taught not to speak up to our parents; therefore, many of us don’t have a voice in relationships because we are often dating a person who reminds us of one parent or the other. If a man speaks up for himself he’s considered confident.  If a woman asserts her position she’s a Bitch.  Isn’t it interesting however, that many men will not assert themselves in a relationship, but will make the situation so terrible that women’s hands are forced to do the dirty work? Even if a man is making our lives miserable, many of us still stay in the relationship, why is that?
I believe there are many possible reasons we subject ourselves to relationship torture:
• We feel it’s normal because the experience is so similar to what our childhood looked like.
• We have a low sense of self-worth, we’re still seeking our parent’s approval, and we have substituted seeking that approval from our mate.  Therefore, we do things we wouldn’t normally do for anyone else, just for a pat on the head. (Messed up isn’t it?)
• Many women have experienced severe emotional and/or physical trauma growing up, and they carry that fear into their relationships because their undeveloped child mind couldn’t properly process the feelings. As a result, they are left emotionally stunted at whatever age they experienced the trauma.  Sadly, this can extend over generations where parents abuse children who become parents who continue to abuse children.
• Most of us did not have solid relationships to model.  Thus we create false beliefs about people, love, and relationships that perpetuate drama, poor communication, and unhealthy behavior.
• Coming together as a family unit and community is a biologic need; yet many of us take the fear of being alone too far, and seek companionship at all costs.  Sometimes at the expense of our health or even our lives.
• We were taught ways of acting in relationship from our parents, friends, celebrities, etc.  Either because of the teaching we were directly exposed to or because of a way we thought we wanted to act.  If this teaching came from a dysfunctional source, then we could have unknowingly adopted dysfunctional behavior.

Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular