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Why do women settle for frogs?

Why do women settle for frogs?

Contributor
Heartbreak

How many frogs have you kissed in your lifetime?  Mario and I have a joke that it took me kissing over 100 frogs to find him.  There’s nothing wrong with kissing frogs, but why do women stay in mediocre or even abusive relationships?  Why do we settle for so much less than we deserve?
Times are changing but it wasn’t that long ago when women were taught to be subservient to men.  We were expected to cater to a man’s needs in the kitchen, living room, and bedroom.  Even though women have elevated their status in society, this acquiescent behavior extends to the boardroom, even today, as we still aren’t earning equal pay for equal work. 
We were also taught not to speak up to our parents; therefore, many of us don’t have a voice in relationships because we are often dating a person who reminds us of one parent or the other. If a man speaks up for himself he’s considered confident.  If a woman asserts her position she’s a Bitch.  Isn’t it interesting however, that many men will not assert themselves in a relationship, but will make the situation so terrible that women’s hands are forced to do the dirty work? Even if a man is making our lives miserable, many of us still stay in the relationship, why is that?
I believe there are many possible reasons we subject ourselves to relationship torture:
• We feel it’s normal because the experience is so similar to what our childhood looked like.
• We have a low sense of self-worth, we’re still seeking our parent’s approval, and we have substituted seeking that approval from our mate.  Therefore, we do things we wouldn’t normally do for anyone else, just for a pat on the head. (Messed up isn’t it?)
• Many women have experienced severe emotional and/or physical trauma growing up, and they carry that fear into their relationships because their undeveloped child mind couldn’t properly process the feelings. As a result, they are left emotionally stunted at whatever age they experienced the trauma.  Sadly, this can extend over generations where parents abuse children who become parents who continue to abuse children.
• Most of us did not have solid relationships to model.  Thus we create false beliefs about people, love, and relationships that perpetuate drama, poor communication, and unhealthy behavior.
• Coming together as a family unit and community is a biologic need; yet many of us take the fear of being alone too far, and seek companionship at all costs.  Sometimes at the expense of our health or even our lives.
• We were taught ways of acting in relationship from our parents, friends, celebrities, etc.  Either because of the teaching we were directly exposed to or because of a way we thought we wanted to act.  If this teaching came from a dysfunctional source, then we could have unknowingly adopted dysfunctional behavior.
• Many women stay for financial reasons because they aren’t able to work - either because they want to raise their kids first hand, or because of a controlling spouse/significant other.  They can’t leave because they are financially dependent.  A woman should always have some source of funds that are hers alone.  She should always have a nest egg stashed to leave if she needs to.
• Finally, some of us stay because it’s a compulsion.  Either defying what we know we should do; or some other factor about the relationship makes it irresistible like a drug, or person who’s overweight and can’t stop eating the wrong foods.  You cannot control yourself until the power to change is greater than the hold the person has over you.
Now that we know why we get ourselves into these awful pickles, how do you tell if you’re in a relationship that’s not for your highest good right now?  It’s time to take an honest assessment of your situation.  If you’re not ready to look at your relationship this minute, that’s okay, save this article for later when you may have more courage. 
I know it’s challenging to face up to what could be many years of bad choices.  But you cannot beat yourself up over it.  You’ll want to accept the fact that you have grown and that you aren’t the person you once were.  Because you know better now, you are able to do better.   And every relationship served your development in some way.  They all had a purpose, but it might be time that this relationship’s purpose is over.  Read on to find out if any of these apply to you.
• Think of things you absolutely LOVE to do that you don’t do anymore because your partner doesn’t want to do them with you.
• Do you experience unhealthy jealousy of each other?  An example of healthy jealousy is when your ears and eyes perk up when a woman is giving your man too much attention, you talk about it calmly, he reassures you of his love and fidelity for you and the topic is over. 
Unhealthy jealousy is when either one of you sees situations that don’t exist, there is a loud rage filled argument over the matter, usually one person doesn’t believe the other, a feeling of betrayal and loss of trust pervades the next several days, weeks, or months, and the matter is never resolved, and continually crops up.
• Is there too much indifference on your part or his?  That usually indicates that the feelings in the relationship are lopsided.  He likes you more than you like him or vice versa.  Maybe you don’t want to leave because you don’t want to be alone, or maybe he tolerates you so he can continue to get laid, or out of his own fears of being alone.
• You change elements of your behavior to accommodate him, yet he doesn’t compromise on anything you want him to do for you.  What’s good for the goose is not good for the gander.  Maybe it’s

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