Not being authentic is a big problem in dating if you’re attempting to be someone you’re not when looking for the love of your life. Many women are taught in childhood to be pleasers and to cater to their man’s wishes, and often that means we act as the person we think our man would want to be with instead of who we really are when in the courting process of a relationship.
Unfortunately, this undermines everything you say you’re looking for, because most people have on their list of qualities that they want someone who’s honest; fun to be with, comfortable in their own skin, etc. Yet if you’re not being true to yourself and are pretending to be something else, how can you line up with someone who’s being true to themselves? It just doesn’t add up.
If you’re pretending to be what you think he wants, you’re going to attract someone who’s pretending or who isn’t representing themselves honestly. This could manifest itself in several ways. The men you’re meeting could be:
• Married or currently in another relationship
• Hiding something
• Accustomed to lying
• Players, who date multiple women at once, yet try to make you think you’re the only one.
• Living with parents (but says parents are living in his house)
• Been in jail
• Have undisclosed children
Those are the big whammies that most women say they would never tolerate; however, often times when you date men who aren’t being authentic the issues are much subtler.
• They have a drinking problem they won’t admit to or profess they can quit anytime.
• They practice physical or emotional abuse in insidious ways such that you get beaten down over time and don’t always realize it.
• They expect sex when they want it, and aren’t considerate of your feelings or desires.
• They ask for things they aren’t willing to give such as consideration, respect, or shared responsibility for household tasks.
• They stand you up or expect you to always accommodate their schedule.
• They’re insecure and let you walk all over them.
• And I’m sure you can think of many more.
So how do you get out of this cycle if you’ve just realized that you haven’t been true to yourself when dating?
1. Recognize what you’re doing, when you’re doing it. Do you agree to meet at a place that you don’t like? Do you adjust your schedule even if it’s not convenient for you? Do you say yes to meeting someone you already know you should say no to, just to not hurt someone’s feelings? Awareness is the key to making any sort of lasting change. Once you recognize what your patterns are you’re ready to move onto the next step, which is to…