One of the most frequent things I observe when working with clients is their lack of willingness to face the pain and trauma of the one thing that trips them up most when looking for love – their childhood. It’s understandable to a degree since we’re programmed to move toward pleasure and away from pain; however our soul came here for the experience of the contrast of our existence, and to find our way back to peace. The choice to remain mired in the pain of our childhood wounds keeps us stuck. When the pain of staying stuck becomes greater than the pain of pushing through and Healing your Heartaches, you will do the work and change, which will allow you to finally attract the high quality love you’ve been looking for, for so long.
When you were a child, you had perfect self-esteem. You knew what you wanted, you asked for it, and didn’t doubt that you would receive it. Our well-meaning parents, who did the best they knew how to do, typically modeled what their parents did to them, and taught you all sorts of wonderful things, and many not so wonderful things. Most parenting teaches children to conform to parental ideals and societal norms of what constitutes acceptable behavior. Unfortunately, parents use unhealthy strategies such as physical force, manipulation, guilt, power trips, coercion, etc. to mold us into little people pleasing robots. We learn to chronically seek our parents’ approval, because it feels better in that moment when they are pleased with us, rather than when they are not.
This pattern follows us into our intimate relationships. Have you ever found yourself doing something for a lover you would never do for a friend? Why does this other person hold so much power to influence your behavior? Because we are constantly seeking approval; and we equate their approval with love. When we’re adults, the instant gratification of having our mate pleased with us for a series of individual moments, unfortunately does not add up to a lifetime of happiness. Often, the opposite occurs. You and your partner both end up miserable because you (and most likely your mate also) are being who you think your partner wants you to be instead of who you really are.
Our parents did us a huge disservice by teaching us to be pleasers because they stripped us of our authenticity. Who says it’s wrong to stand on the arm of the couch and sing at the top of my lungs? My parents couldn’t have known for sure that I wasn’t going to be the next top singing superstar? They meant well. They didn’t want to get a headache, or have us be chided by friends, or wounded by failure. They mostly just wanted to protect you. But, how do you get over the one or many things they did to you that you’ve been carrying throughout your entire life, feeling angry, hurt, and resentful over?
There are many modalities I have used to help me heal from layers and layers of issues from my childhood that I have carried into my adulthood. Here’s a list of some of the things I have tried that worked for me:
EFT – Emotional Freedom Techniques® or Tapping (as EFT is becoming known.)
Breath-work / Rebirthing
Past Life Regression