Gifts from Former Lovers


Gifts from Former Lovers

One of the most profound experiences of growth occurs when you are willing to come to terms with your past relationships in a spirit of gratitude rather than judgment or anger. Every relationship you have – lover, family member, friend – serves your highest good. The challenges you encounter in relationships help you grow when you are willing to recognize the experiences as opportunities for healing.

Since you enter intimate relationships to heal unresolved issues with one or both parents, if you do not take the time to resolve the issue, you are more likely to continue experiencing the same challenge over and over until you do resolve it. This is why we always seem to attract the same type of partner and why patterns of abuse recur. Somebody has to break the cycle. Why not have it be you?


First, you want to look at the common recurring themes you tend to experience in relationship, which will help you know what issues to work on during your personal healing journey. Second, you want to focus on the positive aspects of your significant relationships to help perpetuate feelings of joy and gratitude. You want to end the exercise on a positive note centered in gratitude to heighten your energy to a level that makes you more attractive to your man.

Make a list of significant relationships you’ve had in your life. Jot down each person’s name on a piece of paper or in your journal. Let’s first start with a rant. If one of your ex-boyfriend’s broke up with you and left you feeling wounded, write down everything you are feeling pissed off about or hurt by. If you broke up with him, write down the reasons you felt you couldn’t continue the relationship any longer.
Sometimes you may not be aware how you feel currently, and you may need to dig deeper to get in touch with the core issue. Sometimes just writing down the names will do it when you get to a name that has a significant emotional charge for you. Write down what feels most true to you in this moment. You’ll want to expel all your negative feelings about each of your “ex’s” first, before we get into the positive aspects. This way you don’t end up feeling like an emotional yo-yo being strung up and down, up and down.

Go ahead and purge, rant, rave, yell and scream at the paper if you want to. Beat your pillows if it helps. Throw air punches at his nose if that will make you feel better. Allow yourself to cry if you need to. Most importantly, pay attention to how all of this is making you feel.  It’s okay if you feel badly - you need to be in touch with the negative emotions to purge them. You will turn them around to positive statements soon, and begin shifting your energy toward the positive.  You can also comfort yourself with the thought that anyone who causes you to feel poorly about yourself could not possibly have been your ideal match.

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