People often ask me, “Aren’t there just some relationships that can’t be rescued Stacey?”
NOPE. Every relationship can be rescued. The marriage may not last long term, but the relationship can always be rescued!
The truth is, not every marriage (or committed intimate relationship) is meant to last forever! You and I both know people who have entered into committed relationship or marriages for the wrong reasons, and we also both know people that thought they were getting into a relationship for all the right reasons, but it turned out that the two partners just didn’t have long term alignment with each other.
While not every marriage or committed relationship is meant to be forever, when there are children involved, that relationship IS forever. You will co-parent together for the rest of your lives. And once you are divorced, that relationship will likely only get more difficult.
Ask anyone who is co-parenting with an ex-spouse and they will tell you it is exceedingly more difficult to co-parent post-divorce. You have lost the bulk of your leverage (keeping the peace in the home). And, of course, there’s the resentment and spite that can take over and run the show.
So, how do you know if the marriage or committed relationship is not meant to last? When is the proverbial “right time” to leave?
Many people believe that there is no way to KNOW for sure, but I disagree.
People come to me nearly every day asking me if their relationship can be rescued or is it time to leave.
Here’s what I tell them…every single one of them.
I cannot tell you if your marriage can be rescued right now, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that you are not yet in a position to confidently know with certainty whether or not your relationship has long term alignment and can last long term.
How do I know?
We do alignment discoveries with our private coaching clients as part of our Relationship Rescue process. The outcome of our Relationship Rescue process is to rescue the “relationship,” not necessarily the marriage. To get the relationship to a peaceful place of heartfelt understanding and compassion. Only from that place, can you do an accurate alignment discovery. I know it sounds very objective and strategic… it is.
But most people who are asking the question “when is it just time for me to leave?” are not in a peaceful space of compassion and heartfelt understanding. And that is why I can confidently say, “I don’t know if your marriage or committed relationship is aligned to last long term, but I do know you are not in a position to make that decision right now.” Because most people ask that question when they are deeply in pain, resentment, frustration, anger or some variation of those.
How do you get to a space of peace, compassion and heartfelt understanding?
It’s not going to happen accidentally and it’s not going to interrupt your day. You have to create it.
It’s not easy, but neither is living in a painful intimate relationship.