The Two Keys To Unlock The Power Of Influence


The Two Keys To Unlock The Power Of Influence
If your intention is to influence someone to be more of who they really are, it's a divine tool!

While coaching one of my private clients recently, I had one of those "I've been completely wrong about this" kind of moments. I love those!

The coaching call started off perfectly normal. He came to the call, I asked him what his biggest challenge was that he wanted to break-through in today's session and he told me. 


My client had a challenging interaction coming up that he wanted to prepare for with me, so he could achieve the best possible outcome for all involved. As I always do when I'm about to teach someone the master skills of "influence" I spouted off my typical warning:

"I completely believe in what you are doing and that it's for the greatest good of all, so I will teach you part of the art and the science of influencing others, because I trust you to always use this skill for good and not to manipulate others."

I was always very careful not to teach "influence" on a broad scale because I was concerned that the skills I teach would be used to manipulate others for someone's own ego-serving desires and not for the greatest good of all. It's a powerful skill to have and I didn't want to teach someone who would then go out and about influencing others with less than a positive motive.

In explaining one of the pillars of influence to my client, I created a new distinction that completely changed everything! I love it when that happens.

The pillar, (and this is only one of the pillars of influence, that I was explaining was that when two people engage, and there is rapport, the person with the most confidence and the most congruency will always influence the other person.

As I explained that  "congruency" means that the words, the actions, the movement, the energy and the intentions that we carry are all in alignment…I had my aha moment!

In order for you to influence anyone, you must be congruent. Therefore, someone who does not have positive intentions for the greatest good of all, will lack congruency when they engage with another person! Meaning, their energy and intention will not be in alignment with their words.

Thus, someone trying to manipulate or exert less than positive intent would not be able to successfully influence someone else even if they learned the skills of influence!

So, I really can teach "influence" to a larger audience without screening who will use it for good or evil, because it can't effectively be used for evil, since the execution would lack congruency and the influence would not be effective!

So, today I want to share with you two of the master skills of influence that I shared with my client! I would love to share more with you, but in the brief time we have together, I can only squeeze in two!

Key To Influence #1: Intention is essential!

Influence is not a bad word! For me, influence is always used for the highest good: To influence others to come from their highest self and act from love and not fear.

When your intention is to influence someone to be more of who they really are, to step into life, be more authentic, come from service and act from love instead of fear, then influence is a divine tool!

I do not influence others to get to my greatest good, because that's manipulation (the negative flavor of manipulation). If you do that kind of crap, you should know that it rarely works anymore anyway.

When you enter a situation with the intention of influencing the other person for your own gain, they immediately feel that. Then they get defensive and protective, they focus their energy on their own gain and now no one wins because neither of you want to "give it up" to the other person. But you already know that.

You've probably been on the receiving end of this kind of interaction and needed to protect or remove yourself from engaging with someone so they wouldn't take advantage of you. How much influence did they have with you? None, right? You can see them coming a mile away. Keep reading...

More Relationship Coach advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by

Stacey Martino

Relationship Coach

Stacey Martino helps people who feel stuck, frustrated and helpless with the challenges that intimate relationship brings. Stacey firmly believes that it absolutely does NOT take two to tango, that one person can significantly shift the dynamics of the relationship. 

Through targeted, strategic private coaching, programs and events for her Relationship Transformation System™, Stacey empowers you to transform your intimate relationship without needing your partner to participate in order for this to work for you!

Trained and certified by Tony Robbins and Cloe Madanes, Stacey is a certified marriage educator and divorce preventionist. Stacey is a sought-after relationship expert appearing on numerous media outlets and telesummits and is the Relationship Expert for Aspire Magazine.  Download Stacey's free audio program, “How to Transform Your Relationship in Eight Steps” at


Location: Newtown, PA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Divorce/Divorce Prevention, Marriage
Other Articles/News by Stacey Martino:

When is it just time to leave?


I just completed a crazy whirlwind speaking schedule for Valentine’s Day! 14 speaking gigs in 6 days, 3 radio shows, 2 Spreecasts and a partridge in a pear tree (hehe)! Do you know that nearly every single interviewer asked me the same question “Stacey, when is it just time to leave? Sometimes is it just not the right relationship?” I ... Read more

Not having much hot sex lately, huh?


I hear it’s going around! Really good people, with good intentions, are hanging out together in a NICE relationship….great parents, good roommates even….but the hot steamy ravishing and satisfying sex is not happening anymore. Maybe you tell yourself “I don’t need that,” “that’s not really ... Read more

Are you the “salad” or the “garbage”?


People come to me to help them with their relationships in all kinds of situations. Some of the most common are… Passion-less: In a caring or loving relationship, but the passion has fizzled or disappeared Loving & Passionate, and wanna take it to the next level Hanging by a Thread: where one or both partners have considered ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Most Popular