Your partner is a separate human being from you. They are never going to think, act, process, and feel the same way you do. Seriously darling. This is not just "tweetable" crap I'm telling you. I really want you to take this in and feel it!
Those differences about your partner that are driving you bat-shit right now….they are there by design. Yes, sweetie. Your partner has brought you a gift and you are refusing to unwrap it.
Example you ask? Sure!
I happen to work with a huge amount of coaches and entrepreneurs, but this can easily apply across the board as well. I often here from one partner that they are a big vision, possibilities, goal-oriented, growth, open, personal development and moving forward person….and their partner is….NOT!
In these situations, often Partner A (let’s call her Alice) will tell me that Partner B (let’s call him Bob) isn't interested in the personal development, they don't want to do the programs, they don't really "support" them in their business, they don't get their "big vision," they are not interested in growing, they can't talk to them about the stuff they are passionate about……and instead, Partner B is logical, practical, certainty driven, low risk-taker, finding the holes or pitfalls in things, happier to stay where they are, not into growth and focused more in the past or the present moment (not in the future).
Whether this example applies to you or not, stay with me, there's a lesson here for you too. These kinds of differences can drive BOTH partners crazy…to be fair.
In a very simplistic take on this dynamic — Alice is bringing way too much uncertainty and instability into the relationship for Bob’s taste. And Bob isn’t flying along for the ride like Alice wants!
In every situation, your differences are a GIFT for you! And that gift is three fold!
Love comes from sameness. That's why we want our partner to be so much like us! The more time we spend together, the more we want them to be more and more like us. Eventually in intimate relationships, we start to evaluate everything they do against how WE would have done/thought/felt it and get frustrated (to be polite) when they don't do/think/feel the way we do. This is painful.
The gift? Passion comes from DIFFERENCES! In the beginning there were SO many differences! And you found them EXCITING! Now, they annoy the shit out of you. And let me ask you….how’s your passion darling? Crazy hot and unleashed?
The differences your partner brings create PASSION in your relationship when they aren't annoying the crap out of you and you can see the gift of passion that they bring!
Your partner is designed to balance you out and bring to the table the pieces you do not have! And energetically, until you get this, I bet that pisses you off even more!
Let's take our entrepreneur from the above example! Bob is an asset to Alice. As an entrepreneur I can tell you without doubt, the most successful entrepreneurs on this planet, the ones who not only survive, but create a THRIVING enterprise that brings in abundance and fulfillment surround themselves with people who have skill sets that COMPLEMENT theirs. They do NOT surround themselves with people just like them!
I seek out people with high follow-through, detail-oriented and great planners. Because I am not naturally any of that shit and I know I NEED that if I'm going to serve you!
Who do you think posted this article on a Thursday before 1 pm, not ME I promise you. Lisa, my phenomenal director of technical operations does that! I love and treasure Lisa — especially her high follow-through, the way she lights up when we ask her to take on a new technology implementation project, and the way her brain can map out all the moving pieces of Infusionsoft so she can plan out a project! She brings gifts that I do not naturally bring! That’s why she’s an asset to my team.
I do not look to Lisa to write articles for me or put her out in front of my audience and ask her to speak in public! I love and treasure her for her unique brilliance and don’t try to make her more like me!
Similarly, in the example above, Bob is an asset to Alice. Every dreamer needs a rock! He is the string to her balloon! He creates the parachute plan so she can go out and fly high! When she can APPRECIATE that he is the longevity that will allow her to go big for the long haul, then she can trigger herself into appreciation instead of frustration!
Everyone brings their own unique brilliance to this amazing game of life! Just like in the example above, I bring my unique brilliance and Lisa brings hers.
Lisa Wells is the absolute BEST at what she does. I’m in awe of her, inspired by her and absolutely tickled to watch her work in her unique brilliance…as her best and most authentic self!
My life is richer because Lisa is in it! If Lisa was trying to be someone she is NOT, I promise you, I wouldn’t have that same experience of Lisa and she would not be enriching my life or the lives of countless other people!
When you TREASURE someone for their best and most AUTHENTIC self (treasure the differences they bring) life is a very rich, magical, and inspiring place!
So whatever that shit is that is driving you absolutely crazy about your partner, let me ask you three questions:
- How is your level of passion with your partner? Can you use some more?
- In what way does your partner’s mindset or differences serve you to balance you out or bring skills that you do not naturally have?
- In what ways have you not been appreciating the authentic and unique brilliance that your partner brings to this planet?
Don’t beat yourself up for getting frustrated or going bat-shit the next time. Just know that you are on the “spectrum of change” with this. It’s a process of awareness, to implementation! Be gentle with yourself….but now that you know, you can’t un-know it!
Stacey Martino helps people who feel stuck, frustrated and helpless with the challenges that intimate relationship brings. Through targeted, strategic private coaching, programs and events for her Relationship Transformation™, Relationship Rescue™ and Relationship Transition™ programs, individuals learn to use her proven strategies and tools to create an unshakable love and unleashed passion that lasts a lifetime.
Stacey firmly believes that it absolutely does NOT take two to tango, that one person can significantly shift the dynamics of the relationship. Clients have praised Stacey for helping them to see massive results in record time. Formerly known as "The Ice Princess", Stacey is intimately aware of what it takes to transform oneself to be ready to both give and receive love and passion like you have never experienced before.
Download Stacey's free audio program, “How to Transform Your Relationship in Eight Steps” at http://relationshiptransformationsystem.com/freegift/