Putting Your Lover First...THE HOW
By this point, you may be thinking that there is some validity to this "putting your partner first thing," but perhaps putting this into action and literally making your partner your number one is still a tough pill to swallow?
That's ok. Putting your partner first begins as a state of mind. The manifestation or action of putting your partner first is a process.
It starts with baby steps. So today I will share with you some strategies and examples for HOW you can begin to put your partner first. We will go through an example of putting your lover first in the three big areas we've covered...kids, work and family of origin.
The Kids and The Work
The other day, one of my private coaching clients said to me "but when my 3 year old is melting down, I just don't see how I would put my husband first at that time."
Here's the thing:
Your ATTENTION is not the same as your INTENTION
What does that mean? Your ATTENTION goes wherever your attention goes in the moment. But the way you live your life, your INTENTION, is that your partner is your number one...and you are their number one! There are always going to be things that need your ATTENTION - kids, work, projects, pets, family members, community...that is life.
Your INTENTION is whether you come from the place that my partner is my number one, or my partner is further down on my list.
When you live with the intention, that my partner is my number one, then everything you do in life comes from that place of putting them first. They no longer feel like they need to COMPETE with the things that get your ATTENTION, because they know that in the end, they are your INTENTION.
I'll give you an example.
In the early days when Paul and I were dating, Paul used to work a crazy amount of hours. And there was no doubt in my mind, that I was NOT his number one. Work definitely came first for him. I was always competing with his work for his attention and looking for times when maybe he would choose me over work. It was often a point of contention for us.
Today, Paul's business is very demanding, and it often requires a lot of his time. But there is NO QUESTION in my mind, heart and soul that I am Paul's number one….bar none!
In a heartbeat, if he had to choose between me and work, there's not even a question...it couldn't possibly be anything but me.
Of course, I would never ask him to do that, because Paul is my number one, and I put him first. And part of my putting Paul first is that I completely understand what Paul's dreams and goals are. And with my whole heart, I want him to do everything possible to achieve those goals and live his dream….and the work that he does today is a part of that.
So today when Paul needs to do stuff for work, even if I feel like "playing" at that time, I don't ever feel like he's choosing work over me. He's just living out the decisions we made together. He's giving his attention to what we chose intentionally together. And I want that for him.