Want to know how you get your spouse to get on board with XYZ?
Ok, buckle up buttercup because here comes ….Round 2!
The timing of this is oh so perfect…I just got back from an AMAZING week at an extraordinary event, Monetize Your Message, packed with over 400 entrepreneurs ready to take their message out to the masses to make this world a better place! LOVE IT!
Whenever I’m at these events, a pattern seems to form. Entrepreneur after entrepreneur approaches me to discuss some of the challenges they face in their relationship…and ultimately in their business too.See entrepreneurs know that their business impacts their relationship. Any entrepreneur will tell you that. But what many of them don’t recognize right away is the HUGE impact their relationship has on their BUSINESS.
Time after time, entrepreneurs, and people with demanding careers, are presented with opportunities to take their business to the next level…but their first flinch (or pull back) is “But my spouse!”I hear it all the time… “But my spouse will just kill me if I ….” or “If I do one more event, one more program, one more XYZ, my spouse is gonna freak!”
Time and time again this is an issue for entrepreneurs and people with demanding jobs. And the question I get asked most often is
“How can I get my spouse to get on board with XYZ?”
You know me well enough by now, right? I’m just going to get right to it with you, ok?
You are asking the WRONG QUESTION.
Listen sweetie, if your spouse felt that they were number one in your world, without question, there would be ZERO ISSUE with you taking your business to the next level.
In fact, they would be bringing ideas to YOU saying things like “Hey, we should do this for your business…check this out!”
It’s actually very simple.
The fundamental reason why a spouse will consistently PUSH BACK when it comes to your growth in your business is because they are competing with your business for your attention and priority! Why would they want you to put MORE time and attention into something that they are competing with for your attention and priority???
The truth is….if your spouse felt that they were #1 in your life, then they would support YOU being the best version of yourself…no matter what form that took!
So it just comes down to this – Your partner needs to be your number one, above all else, including your business!
Take an honest look at your life and your relationship. How do you show up each day? Where is your “center of gravity”? Would your partner say that they are number one in your life? above work, above everything? Or would they say that they are second to your business…maybe even third, fourth or fifth?
Be honest and take a look at how you have shown up (until now).
You want to grow your business, you want to get out there in a bigger way and serve, right?! Awesome, me too!
Start with the most important person in your universe, ok!? Serve your partner first, and then together, you will take your business to levels you never even dreamed possible!!! (that doesn’t mean they need to work in your business, it means “together” – as in “when you are both on the same page”)
Here’s the secret…yes, your business is impacting your relationship, you already knew that. But….
It’s impacting how big you are willing to play, the risks you are willing to take and your CONFIDENCE in everything that you do! You want to grow your business, right? Then create a magnificent love affair and bring that synergy and power to your life and your business. Then you will lift all limitations on what your business…and your life, can be!!
And now onto your FAMILY…
Now, let’s tackle the last biggie. When it comes to putting your partner first, that means that your partner must be a priority for you, over your family of origin. For some couples, this comes easily and naturally and isn’t a struggle. For other couples, the family of origin challenge can take down the entire marriage, end the relationship and break up a family.
If your relationship sometimes struggles because your partner is giving priority to members of their family of origin (mom, dad, brothers and sisters), then you know how painful this can be. If you suspect that your incredibly close relationship with your family of origin, and their robust participation in your life, is sometimes painful for your spouse, then this is your warning sign. Please listen up!
I know you love your family….that’s awesome…I love my family too.
And here’s the thing. When you enter into a committed relationship (marriage or otherwise) with one life partner, you are declaring to the world that you are making your PRIMARY FAMILY (husband, wife, children) your priority….above family of origin and extended family.
Way back when, one of the purposes of the wedding ceremony was for the couple to declare, in front of the entire village, that they were shifting their PRIORITY from their family of origin to their new Primary Family (spouse and kids). This served as a declaration that from now on their family of origin and extended family, would always come second to their primary family. Somewhere along the way, this ritual was lost from the wedding ceremony.
I see this all the time in intimate relationships. Where one or both partners have not prioritized their spouse (or committed partner) over their family of origin.
Anytime your family of origin (or worse, extended family) gets priority over the members of your Primary Family…there will be pain and difficulty in your relationship. And by definition, that is NOT an unshakable love.
Your lover, your partner, your one-and-only MUST be a priority above your family of origin and all other family members!
Ok, so you’re getting the message now right? Your partner must be your number one….above the kids, above your work, and above your other family members. If your partner does not feel that they are your number one right now, you MUST take action to remedy this right away!
Love is the oxygen of the soul my friend!
If you want to experience an unshakable love for the next 40 to 70 years that you have together….start taking action today! Show your partner that they are YOUR NUMBER ONE!
This article was originally published at Stacey Martino Love and Passion Coach. Reprinted with permission from the author.