There's a deal breaker in creating an unshakable love and an unleashed passion that is controversial
There's a deal breaker in creating an unshakable love and an unleashed passion that is quite controversial, but I think you know by now...that's not gonna stop me.
So buckle up buttercup, because we are going there now!
Your spouse must be #1 in your life. Your marriage must come first.
Yeah, it doesn't end there. Here we go.
What does it mean to make your spouse your Number One? It means that you put your spouse (and your marriage) above work, above other family members, above the kids...YES, above the kids.
I know this may be a rough one to hear at first, but stay with me.
I'm only here to serve you and by the end of this article you will at least understand the reasons why it is best for you, your spouse AND your kids to put your marriage first.
Then you can choose whether or not it's for you. Deal?
First and foremost, to have an Unshakable love, by definition, NOTHING can come between you.
Again, by definition, if your spouse is further down your list than your work, other family members, kids...then by definition those things can SHAKE your relationship.
If your spouse feels that ANYthing in your world is more important to you than they are, not only do you NOT have an unshakable love, but you've got trouble brewing.
Let's start with the most controversial and most common one first...
Putting your partner before your kids
You love your kids. I get it. I love my kids too...more than life. No one's saying that you shouldn't love your kids.
Here's the thing - the greatest thing you can do for your kids is to create an unshakable love! Create a unified front, a solid marriage, unshakable by anything and anyone. From THAT space, you parent and love your children.
When your spouse is number two, three or four on your list, your kids feel that too. There are many studies that show the negative impact this has on your kids’ sense of safety and security because they sense that you two do not put each other first.
Kids are much more sensitive to your relationship than you think. Just think back to how your parent's relationship, or lack of one, impacted you and you will see.
Wouldn't you have preferred that your parents be a strong united front so nothing could come between them? Of course you would. As kids, you perceive your parent's relationship as a factor in your own safety and survival. And so do YOUR kids.
Your kids want you to have an unshakable love. They don't want anything to SHAKE your marriage!
I know you love your kids more than life itself. No one's asking you to love them any less.
This isn’t about your LOVE. There’s no measure for love. It’s like Paul always tells our son Jake. When Gracie was born we didn’t love you any less! We have an unlimited amount of love, for everyone in this family.
It’s about how you show up and ultimately about how your priorities manifest in your life. Your partner, your intimate love, your marriage, must be your number one priority. And from there, you can parent together.
Here's the thing
You are NOT going to parent your kids for the rest of your life.
You will always be their parent, but you will not "parent" them forever. They are leaving one day. And you want them to go. You want them to be independent, self sufficient, contributing members of society. You want them to go out into the world, live their purpose and find true love.
Your spouse is the only other human in this world (besides yourself) that you have dedicated your life to, your entire life to, until the day you die. Your spouse is yours forever. For all your days. They are the only one….they are the most important relationship you will ever have. They are your life partner!
Your spouse is the only human on the planet, other than yourself, where you will take on their problems as your problems, you will fix it for them, do it for them, and make their dreams your dreams too. They are the only other human where you will take the responsibility of meeting all their needs, as they will yours. 100%/100% remember?
And you know what, you already know this.
When it comes to your kids, how many times have you held back from "doing it for them", "fixing it for them" or "making their choices for them"? Loads of times right? We cannot do everything for them, we can't fix everything, and we certainly can't make all their choices. We must let them learn some things for themselves.
And why do we do this?
Because we want independent, self sufficient, autonomous kids who have a feeling of self worth on the INSIDE. That's why we don't do everything for them, fix everything for them or even warn them when they are heading for trouble at times.
As our kids get older, we need to let them make their own mistakes, fight their own battles and certainly choose their own path. So they can go out into the world prepared and ready to be the best version of themselves they can be.
And when that day comes, you do NOT want to look at your spouse, and realize that you haven't been putting them first, that they don't feel number one on your list….maybe not even number two, three or four.
Which is why you LOVE your kids, but you are not IN LOVE with your kids...you are IN LOVE with your partner!
The message we want our kids to get is "Mom and Dad love you unconditionally and we know that you can do this. We are here for you."
Can you feel the energy of that statement? Mom and Dad are a team, in solidarity. And from that strength, they can parent their children.
By this point, you may be thinking that there is some validity to this "putting your spouse first thing".
Whooooo Hoooooo!!! That’s awesome!! That’s a fantastic starting point! Transformation starts from a shift in perspective!!
We will continue with this topic in Parts 2 and 3 of this three part series on Putting Your Partner First!
In Part 2 of this series, we will cover when your business (or work) comes before your spouse and how to manage your priorities with other family members! And in Part 3 of this series, we will go into the strategies for HOW to put your partner first!
Sending love to YOU!!
P. S. If you want a step-by-step approach on HOW to create YOUR unshakable love in your relationship, click here to get a free audio on "How to Transform Your Relationship in Eight Steps."
This article was originally published at Stacey Martino Love and Passion Coach. Reprinted with permission from the author.